Pottsylgeist
by animationiscool
Summary: Rocky and Bullwinkle find out that there are strange events occurring in Pottsylvania, and they go there to investigate. But is this real, or is it a trap?
1. Pottsylgeist

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**Pottsylgeist or Ghoulish Gambit**

Narrator: In Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, it seems like a normal day for our heroes, Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose. But then Rocky finds a point of interest in their weekly paper, the Frostbite Falls Revue.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, look what I found!

Bullwinkle: You found the flyers for glow-in-the-dark pumpkin hat racks?

Rocky: No. It's about something really weird.

Bullwinkle: So it's about those two kids who sit in the pumpkin patch every Halloween, right?

Rocky: It says that some creepy events are happening in Pottsylvania.

Bullwinkle: Rocky, creepy things in Pottsylvania are normal. It would be creepy if normal things happen there.

Rocky: It says, "_Pottsylvania Poltergeist_- Eerie, supernatural occurrences have started to occur in Pottsylvania, such as strange noises, moving trees, statues that come to life, and mysterious floating objects! While officials think this is a publicity stunt, most inhabitants have reported these happenings to be the result of unknown causes. This is definitely not a trap. There is a reward for whoever can help us solve this mystery. Written by Frostbite Falls News Person."

Bullwinkle: This is kind of suspicious. You read the whole article and there was no mention of "Moose and Squirrel" anywhere.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, I'm supposed to be worried about suspicious things, not you.

Bullwinkle: Oh, sorry.

Rocky: Do you think we should check this out?

Bullwinkle: Sure! Let's get to the bottom of this mystery! Hey, I think I've heard that somewhere before.

* * *

Narrator: And so, our heroes set off for Pottsylvania. Little do they know that a certain pair of sneaky spies have been spying on them.

Boris Badenov: Haha, Moose and Squirrel have fallen for it! I am the greatest at forging fake articles.

Natasha Fatale: Yes, dollink, but that is because they are gullible, not because of your article writing.

Boris: Why do you say that?

Natasha: Your article is obviously fake. I mean, "Frostbite Falls News Person"? You could have at least made up a name. And don't get me started on, "This is definitely not a trap."

Boris: Shaddup you mouth!

Narrator: They call their boss to inform him of the news.

Boris: Calling Fearless Leader.

Fearless Leader: What is it, Badenov?

Boris: Moose and Squirrel have fallen for the bait. They are headed for Pottsylvania and right into our trap.

Fearless Leader: Excellent! Report to one of my consultants for further instructions. He is a rather shady character. You should have no trouble with spotting him.

Boris and Natasha: Yes, boss.

Fearless Leader: I just have one more question.

Natasha: What is it, dollink?

Fearless Leader: Why are you two hanging _upside-down_?

They are hanging upside-down from a tree, which is close to one of the windows of Rocky and Bullwinkle's house.

Boris: Oh, this is because if we are just hanging around, we will not appear conspicuous. Heh, get it? "Hanging around?"

Fearless Leader: Badenov, please shut up.

* * *

Narrator: Boris and Natasha look for the shady character, but they can't seem to find him.

Boris: Where is he? All we can find is a jack-o-lantern.

"Jack-O-Lantern": Where have you been?

Boris: Natasha, the kids in the pumpkin patch were right!

Natasha: A jack-o-lantern? Fearless Leader will hire anyone these days.

"Jack-O-Lantern": Look over there, you idiots!

Narrator: Boris and Natasha at a side of the house, and they see a large, menacing light illuminating from the pumpkin. The consultant is none other than-

Boris and Natasha: Mr. Big?

Mr. Big: Yes, it is I, Mr. Big. I have a very important mission for you two.

Natasha: Does it involve capturing Moose and Squirrel?

Boris: And can we use lots of explosives?

Mr. Big: Yes, but we now have a new secret formula will help us take over the world.

Natasha: That's wonderful! Where is this secret formula?

Mr. Big: All you have to do is stow away on a ship headed for Pottsylvania. When you get there, Fearless Leader will be waiting for you with the formula.

Boris and Natasha: Yes, sir.

As soon as they leave, he climbs out of the jack-o-lantern.

Mr. Big: It is good thing that they left. It was getting really hot in there. I can't believe they still don't know that I am extremely tiny.

* * *

Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle are at the harbour, and they go on the S.S. Guppy, a ship that is headed for Pottsylvania. They meet the ship's captain, who should be very familiar to them.

Captain Peter "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz: Hi, I'm Captain Peachfuzz.

Bullwinkle: Gee, Rocky, for some reason I remember this captain.

Rocky: He's Captain Peachfuzz. He was in some of our adventures before. You should know who he is.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, he sits on a bench.

Rocky: No. That's Chauncey and Edgar.

Bullwinkle: Is he one of those nice guys from the moon?

Rocky: That's Gidney and Cloyd.

Bullwinkle: Okay… wait, I know who he is! Mr. Peachfuzz, you're one of the people who sits in the pumpkin patch, right?

Rocky: I give up.

Peachfuzz: No, sir, I'm an expert at navigation! I can take you to Pottsylvania in before you can say mooseberries.

Bullwinkle: Mooseberries!

Peachfuzz: Wow, we're in Pottsylvania already? I must be really good at this job.

He jumps out of the S.S. Guppy into the ocean.

Peachfuzz: I don't understand why you guys wanted to come here. This place is flooded!

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, the no-goodniks have stowed away on the S.S. Guppy.

Boris: Oh no, we're on the same boat as Captain Peachfuzz! He will probably steer it into the Bermuda Triangle and we will never be able to keel Moose and Squirrel.

Natasha: Don't worry, dollink. He wouldn't do something that stupid.

Narrator: After about an hour of Rocky trying to tell him that he didn't even leave the harbour, they finally start to set sail.

Peachfuzz: All aboard!

Rocky: That's what train conductors say.

Peachfuzz: They do? Wait, this isn't a train?

Rocky: I'm not even going to comment on that.

Narrator: Surprisingly, the voyage goes smoothly at first. But then the sea captain unwittingly turns the boat slightly off course...

Peachfuzz: I think we're almost there. Is Pottsylvania the really big triangle on the map?

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! That's the Bermuda Triangle!

Narrator: It turns out Boris was right for once. They are indeed sailing toward the Bermuda Triangle, that famous area where many boats and planes have ventured into, and were never seen again. Is this the fate of our heroes? Will they be able to steer away from its path, and reach their destination? With "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz as their captain they appear to be doomed, but be sure to stay tuned next time for, "Shape up" or "Ship Out".


	2. Shape Up Or Ship Out

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**A Creepy Tangle in the Bermuda Triangle or Shape Up Or Ship Out**

Narrator: In the previous segment, our heroes Rocky and Bullwinkle were planning to solve a mystery in Pottsylvania. Little do they know that the "mystery" is actually an elaborate hoax set up by no-goodniks Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale. The spies follow them to the S.S Guppy, which is unfortunately sailed by Captain "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz. Well he isn't nicknamed "Wrong Way" for nothing, as he has just steered the ship uncomfortably close to the Bermuda Triangle.

Captain Peachfuzz: I'm still not sure why you want to go to Pottsylvania. It looks flooded to me.

Rocky: That's not Pottsylvania, that's the _Bermuda Triangle_!

Peachfuzz: Huh?

Rocky: It's a place where ships become stuck and they're never heard from again.

Peachfuzz: Why would you want to go there?

Rocky ignores him and tries to steer the boat away from the area.

Rocky: That was close.

Peachfuzz: Hey, I'm supposed to be the captain, not you.

Captain Peachfuzz tries to take the steering wheel, but it breaks off. He turns the wheel, like it is still attached to the boat.

Peachfuzz: Don't worry, I'll get you both to safety.

Rocky: I'm not going to comment on that.

Bullwinkle: You said that earlier. The writers must be running out of ideas.

Narrator: Rocky carries Bullwinkle and Captain Peachfuzz while he flies off the ship. The boat crashes and sinks when it hits a large rock. Meanwhile, Peachfuzz is still holding the wheel.

Peachfuzz: Hey, the S.S. Guppy is flying! We'll all be safe thanks to my skills as a captain.

Rocky: I'm not going to-

Bullwinkle: Rocky, you said that a few minutes ago. We should really talk to the writers about using more creative dialogue.

Rocky lands on a Pottsylvanian beach.

Peachfuzz: That's weird, for some reason we landed on a beach. I was supposed to take you to the dock.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, why didn't we land at the dock?

Rocky: Don't you remember what happened the last time we landed there?

Bullwinkle: Sure, we got a welcoming party from Fearless Leader and his henchmen.

Rocky: That wasn't a welcoming party, we were arrested. We were almost executed, too.

Bullwinkle: Really? But they seemed like really nice people.

Narrator: To avoid a similar mishap, they decide to go into hiding. They leave the shore, and head for a nearby deserted path.

Peachfuzz: Bye, have fun at Pottsylvania. I'll just sail back to Frostbite Falls.

Rocky: But what about your boat?

Peachfuzz: I can fix it with duct tape.

Rocky: Your boat sank in the ocean.

Bullwinkle: Don't worry Rocky, he'll probably have the S.S. Guppy back in another episode, like nothing ever happened to it.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, the spying stowaways are washed onto the shore.

Natasha: Boris dollink, we have made it to Pottsylvania!

Boris: Yes, but we were almost keeled thanks to that stupid sea captain.

As they leave for Central Control, the spies see Captain Peachfuzz. He is still turning the wheel.

Peachfuzz: Hi, I'm sailing to Frostbite Falls. Do you want to go, too?

Natasha: Do you where Moose and Squirrel-

Boris: Don't bother with asking him, if we follow his directions we'll probably end up lost in a creepy forest.

* * *

Narrator: Coincidentally, Rocky and Bullwinkle are hiding from a potential arrest in a creepy forest. As the intrepid travellers trudge down the path, it becomes darker and the trees are gnarled and barren.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, the trees look kind of spooky.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, they look like they should be around a haunted house, or in a haunted forest with evil killer trees. Oh, I just remembered something.

Rocky: What's that?

Bullwinkle: We need some jack o lanterns for our house. This place will be great for finding pumpkins.

Rocky: Pumpkins don't grow on trees.

Bullwinkle: Sure they do, there was a Halloween special all about it.

He walks up to a tree to look for pumpkins.

Narrator: Suddenly, Bullwinkle is grabbed and hoisted into the air by the thin, crooked branches of, you guessed it, an evil killer tree! In fact, it turns out that our heroes are surrounded by them!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: Can Rocky save Bullwinkle from the clutches, er, branches of this terrible timber? What is the secret formula that Mr. Big mentioned in the previous segment? Could it be the cause of the fiendish flora? To find the answers, stay tuned next time for, "From Pottsylvania it Came" or "Floral Derangement".


	3. Floral Derangement

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**From Pottsylvania it Came or Floral Derangement **

Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle had made it safely to Pottsylvania despite the unlikely odds. Especially with Peachfuzz as their captain. However, our heroes are not out of the woods yet. In fact, they are literally not out of the woods, for they had ventured into a creepy forest to avoid being arrested by Fearless Leader and his guards. Even though they haven't been captured by guards, it turns out that Bullwinkle has been captured by an evil killer tree.

Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky, can I have some mooseberries?

Rocky: How can you think of eating at a time like this?

Bullwinkle: All of that sailing around the Bermuda Triangle in a dingy boat made me hungry.

Rocky finds some berries in a mooseberry bush, and he throws them to Bullwinkle. The berries hit the tree and it stops moving. Bullwinkle plummets to the ground when the branches let go.

Rocky: Are you okay?

Bullwinkle: Yeah, but I didn't get to eat any mooseberries.

Rocky: I found out how we can get out of this creepy forest.

Bullwinkle: We're going to throw mooseberries at all of the trees?

Rocky: That could work, but I was thinking we could just fly out of the forest. It would save a lot of time.

Rocky carries Bullwinkle while he flies out of the woods.

Bullwinkle: Your flying is a great deus ex machina.

Narrator: After narrowing escaping from the fiendish flora, our heroes decide to fly to the Pottsylvanian capital.

Rocky: We have to solve this mystery sooner or later, and we can't do that by hiding.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, and if we just hid somewhere, there wouldn't be a story.

While walking down a street, Rocky notices a large building.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, does that place look familiar to you?

Bullwinkle: Not really, but we can go there to ask for directions.

Rocky becomes increasingly suspicious as they move closer to the building.

Rocky: I don't think it's a good idea to ask for directions there.

Bullwinkle: You always have to be suspicious about something. I'm sure that the people who live there are very nice. And the sign says "Central Control", so it's probably an information centre.

Rocky: Could we use a payphone instead? We could call some friends from Frostbite Falls.

Bullwinkle: Okay, but if it's long distance you're paying for it.

* * *

Narrator: The hapless heroes are unaware that Central Control is not an "information centre", but the headquarters of Fearless Leader, the ruler of Pottsylvania. Boris and Natasha have reached Central Control, and their boss is impatiently waiting for them in his office.

Fearless Leader: Where were you? You were supposed to be here hours ago!

Boris: We are extremely sorry, Fearless Leader. Boris and I were on a boat that was headed for Pottsylvania, and-

Fearless Leader: Frostbite Falls isn't too far away from Pottsylvania. If it was, we wouldn't have tried to invade it that often. There is absolutely no excuse for you two being so late. I am going to ensure you both are arrested and executed!

Natasha: The captain of the ship was Captain Peachfuzz.

Fearless Leader: Never mind. You are both spared until I can think of another reason to yell at you. Now you are probably wondering why Mr. Big told you to come here.

Natasha: Yes, dollink, we are so excited.

Boris: What is the new secret formula?

Fearless Leader: The secret formula was discovered by my old university, Pottsylvania University, better known as P.U. It has the code name of Ectoplasmium.

Boris: Oh, I understand. The formula is supposed to electrocute Moose and Squirrel, right boss?

Fearless Leader: No. Ze formula does a lot more than that.

Natasha: What does it do, dollink?

Fearless Leader: I will show you a demonstration.

Fearless Leader goes into the secret lab, and comes back holding a vial. He then pours the substance onto Boris' chair.

Boris: Will this formula electrocute me?

Fearless Leader: Unfortunately, no.

Narrator: Suddenly, the chair begins to rise all by itself!

Natasha: Is that a levitation trick? If so, it is a lot better than Bullwinkle's rabbit out of a hat.

Fearless Leader: Nein. This is one of many effects of Ectoplasmium.

The chair tips over, and Boris falls out of his chair.

Boris: Hey, no one, er nothing does that to me and gets away with it!

Narrator: And so, Boris Badenov, one of the most devious and conniving criminals, chases a floating chair around the room in circles.

Boris: Come back here and fight like a... a floating object!

Natasha: Fearless Leader, shouldn't we get to this to stop?

Fearless Leader: Are you kidding? This is great! I love watching Boris make a fool of himself. The only way this could possibly be better would be if there was raga music in the background.

Narrator: The chair floats out of an open window, which leads to the front yard of Central Control. Boris follows it and plummets to the ground. Natasha and Fearless Leader look down on him from the window.

Natasha: Are you all right, dollink?

Boris: No! I have been humiliated by an inanimate object!

Fearless Leader: Shut up, Badenov! This new formula works perfectly, and I will use it to rule the world!

Boris: But I don't get it. How are we going to use an army of floating chairs for taking over the world?

Fearless Leader: That is not my plan. What we are going to do is add Ectoplasmium to everything we can find. This substance makes anything it touches look like it is haunted. I tried using this on trees in a nearby forest and it turned them into monsters.

Natasha: So we wrote the article for Moose and Squirrel to find, and the haunted objects will help us capture them?

Fearless Leader: Yes, but it will not just capture them. If we continue to print more fake articles and spread them globally, this will attract a lot of public attention. Reporters and tourists will come here to see the phenomena, which will give us a huge profit. We can use the profit to produce more Ectoplasmium, and spread it all over the world!

Natasha: You really thought this plan out.

Fearless Leader: I have a lot of free time on my hands while you two are trying to capture Moose and Squirrel.

Boris: Boss, I can see Moose and Squirrel! They are on a street close to headquarters, and Moose is using a payphone. He is probably calling for help.

Fearless Leader: That is not a problem.

Natasha: Did you cut the cables for the phones?

Fearless Leader: No, they have Ectoplasmium added to them. As soon as Moose picks up the phone, it will electrocute him.

Boris: Really? Oh, I have to see this up close!

* * *

Narrator: Boris sneaks up on Rocky and Bullwinkle. He hides behind a nearby tree.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, I think someone is spying on us.

Bullwinkle: You're always saying that we're being spied on. There aren't any spies in Pottsylvania.

Rocky: Actually, there are a lot of spies here. The majority of the population are-

Bullwinkle: There wasn't anything about that in the brochure.

Rocky: We don't have a brochure.

Bullwinkle: Well, that explains why we're lost, and I should use this harmless-looking payphone.

Narrator: Bullwinkle may think that the phone is harmless, but he has no idea that it is actually rigged with Ectoplasmium. Will our heroes be able to find help so they can solve the mystery? Can they stop the no-goodniks from using their new formula to rule the world? And will Bullwinkle be in for a shock? Stay tuned for, "Dial S for Shocking" or "Ring of Terror".


	4. Don't Lose your Head Dudley

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle, Mr. Peabody, and Dudley Do-Right are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

Rocky: And now it's time for a Halloween episode of-

Bullwinkle: Rocky, we're already in a Halloween episode. We were just in a cliffhanger, remember?

Rocky: Yeah, but I was talking about a Halloween special with Dudley Do-Right.

Bullwinkle: Okay, but I want to find out what happens to the moose.

Rocky: That's you.

Bullwinkle: Oh, that makes sense. Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!

Rocky: That trick never works.

Bullwinkle: Nothin' up my sleeve... and presto!

He pulls a sea monster's tentacle out of a hat.

Bullwinkle: Wrong h-

The sea monster grabs Bullwinkle and pulls him into the hat.

Rocky: And now for something we hope you'll really like, it's-

**Don't Lose your Head (Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties)**

Dudley Do-Right Narrator: At the close of the 19th century, it is October, and there are leaves scattered across the great Canadian wilderness. Even when it is close to Halloween, the Mounties are always on their guard to protect Canada from nefarious villains, especially that sinister scoundrel, Snidely Whiplash. At the RCMP headquarters, Inspector Fenwick and his employees are at a meeting concerning the malicious madman.

Inspector Fenwick: All right, now that all of the loyal, intelligent Mounties of our regiment are here, we can discuss ways to arrest Snidely Whiplash once and for all.

Random Mountie: Sir, one of our Mounties is missing.

Fenwick: Really? Which one?

He hears something and goes outside to investigate.

"Headless Horseman": I want a head!

Fenwick: The Headless Horseman?!? Wait, why is he riding backwards?

Narrator: The "Headless Horseman" falls off of his horse, and lands on the inspector. The horseman sticks his head out of his coat, and is none other than-

Dudley Do-Right: Good day, sir.

Fenwick: I should have known it was you. Constable Do-Right, what is the meaning of this?

Dudley: It's almost Halloween, and I wanted to try my Headless Horseman costume. Do you like it?

Fenwick: It is a perfect costume for you, my boy.

Dudley: Because I'm usually riding my horse?

Fenwick: No, it's because you are so stupid that you appear to have no brain. Do-Right, can you go search for Snidely Whiplash while we discuss ways in which to arrest him?

Dudley: Yes, sir! Where should I start the search?

Fenwick: I don't know, try looking for him in Nunavut.

Dudley: But sir, Nunavut won't become a province for 100 years!

Fenwick: Well go there anyway, can't you see that we're busy?!?

Dudley rides off to look for Snidely, and Fenwick goes back into his headquarters.

Fenwick: Now we can continue our meeting.

Random Mountie: Shouldn't we wait for Dudley? He's a Mountie, too.

Fenwick: I said loyal, _intelligent_ Mounties.

* * *

Narrator: In an undisclosed location, Snidely Whiplash is, as always, up to something.

Snidely Whiplash: Nyahahahaha! This is going to perfect!

Narrator: What vile scheme are you plotting this time?

Snidely: Actually, that's not what I'm thinking about.

Narrator: You're not? But why did you laugh maniacally?

Snidely: I was thinking about what to wear for Halloween, and I have found the perfect costume!

He shows him a Nell costume.

Snidely: Dudley Do-Right will never arrest me if I'm in this disguise.

Narrator: Yes he would, you were disguised as her in the episode where you were tying everyone to railroad tracks.

Snidely: Curses! All right, how about this one?

He shows him a horse costume.

Narrator: That horse suit was used before.

Snidely: Really? I don't remember that.

Narrator: If I recall, it was the episode where you stole Dudley's horse, he thought you were a centaur, and you had to be his new horse. You had to carry Dudley everywhere, and-

Snidely: Stop it, don't remind me! Hmm, I don't seem to have any other costumes, and the only other clothes are suits and top hats... wait a second, this might work.

Snidely runs into his room, and comes out in a costume.

Snidely: What do you think?

Narrator: I don't see any difference except for... egad, where did your head go?

Snidely: The animators didn't forget to draw it on, if that's what you're thinking.

Narrator: Oh I get it, you're going out as the Headless Horseman this year.

Snidely: Indeed, and no one will stop me from my sneaky, devious plan to steal all of the Mounties' candy!

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Dudley Do-Right rides back to the RCMP station to report his findings.

Dudley: I didn't find Snidely, but I discovered Nunavut! Of course, it was discovered sort of early. Mr. Peabody and Sherman will have to fix that. Hmm, the door appears to be locked. Oh, I know how to get in!

The inspector and the other Mounties are inside the building.

Fenwick: All right, now that we have all decided on a plan, our meeting is-

*CRASH*

Fenwick: What was that?!?

Mountie: It looks like a pumpkin went through your window.

Dudley sticks his head in the window.

Dudley: Can you let me in, sir?

Fenwick: Do-Right, you twit! Did you have to throw a pumpkin through my window to get our attention?

Dudley: Not really, but I'm trying to be in character for the Halloween party. Are you going too, sir?

Fenwick: Actually, the Halloween party is part of our new plan to arrest Snidely Whiplash. And you are going to help us catch him.

* * *

Narrator: After preparing for a few days, it is All Hallows Eve.

Dudley: What's All Hallows Eve? Is it a separate American holiday or something?

Narrator: It's another term for Halloween.

Dudley: Oh, that makes sense. I think.

Nell Fenwick: You actually _think_, Dudley?

Dudley: Hi, Nell. Where were you, you weren't in the last few scenes.

Nell: I was getting my costume ready.

She is dressed as a princess.

Dudley: It's nice, but it reminds me of a damsel in distress.

Fenwick: That's the point, Dudley. It's all part of our plan to capture Whiplash.

He is dressed as a king.

Dudley: Was this supposed to be a themed costume party? My costume isn't related to yours, and we might lose the costume contest.

Fenwick: There's no costume contest. In fact, this isn't even a Halloween party. It is supposed to be a trap for that vile villain, who we still haven't arrested yet.

Dudley: But sir, where's your Halloween spirit?

Nell: I agree. Father, why can't we just take a break from trying to arrest Snidely, and have a costume contest?

Fenwick: We can't take a break, he's right over there!

They see Snidely in his Headless Horseman costume.

Snidely: I want a head!

Dudley: Egad, it's the Headless Horseman! We're all doomed!

Nell: Dudley, that's Snidely Whiplash.

Dudley: If that's Snidely, then where's his head?

Snidely sticks his head out of his coat.

Snidely: She's right. It is I, Snidely Whiplash! And I am going to ruin your party by-

Nell: Tying me to the railroad tracks?

Snidely: No.

Nell: Tying me to a log in a sawmill?

Snidely: No.

Dudley: Kidnap my horse, and become our mascot again?

Snidely: No, don't ever remind me of that! I was going to steal all of your candy.

Dudley: Really? That doesn't sound as dangerous as your usual plans.

Snidely: If that's how you feel, then I'll take Nell _and_ the candy.

Narrator: Snidely ties up Nell with some rope, steals a bag of candy, and jumps out of the still broken window for escape.

Snidely: Nyahahaha! See you later, suckers!

Fenwick: Do-Right, Snidely has just committed a monstrous crime!

Dudley: I know, that fiend stole all of our candy!

Fenwick: No you idiot, he kidnapped Nell, and he is going to kill her! Do-Right, go after him.

Dudley: Yes, sir!

* * *

Narrator: And so, that courageous constable jumps out of the same window, and rides off on his horse, Horse. Since Dudley is still in his suit, he is still trying to be "in character". Of course, since he is hiding his head in his coat, that means he is constantly running into trees, logs, and-

*THUMP*

Narrator: -a cliff. Luckily, the train appears to be very slow tonight, so Nell is still waiting for Dudley to save her.

Nell: I knew this princess disguise was a bad idea.

Narrator: Eventually, Dudley and Horse arrive to the scene of the crime, even though they are visibly injured from falling off a cliff.

Snidely: Hey Dudley, what's with the bandages? I thought you were supposed to be the Headless Horseman, not a mummy.

Dudley: Whiplash, you cur! Unhand the candy at once!

Nell glares at Dudley.

Dudley: Oh, sorry Nell. I meant, unhand Nell at once!

Snidely: Why should I listen to you? You don't scare me. I know it's you in that suit. Besides, it appears that you are too late. The train is right over there.

Narrator: He's right, the train is headed right for Nell. However, the locomotive comes to a stop. Then a shadowy figure creeps out of the train. It turns out that the figure is-

Dudley: Oh no, it is the Headless Horseman!

Snidely: No, that's a train conductor, except for the fact that he's... headless.

Headless Train Conductor: Why don't they look?

Snidely: That's it, I'm leaving! This episode is getting too weird for me.

He runs off into the woods.

Narrator: The train conductor sticks his head out of his shirt, and is actually a regular train conductor.

Train Conductor: Hi, did you like my costume?

Nell: That was great, you saved my life!

Conductor: I did? Hey, you shouldn't be tied up on the railroad tracks. That could be dangerous. Like I said earlier, it would be a lot easier for us if people just looked for the trains.

Dudley: Horse, we didn't get to save anyone today. Aren't you frustrated?

Horse: *snorts*

Dudley: I thought so. Oh well, what matters is that Nell is safe, and we have our-

He finds out that the bag is missing.

Dudley: That scoundrel stole our candy!

Narrator: Dudley Do-Right boldly sets out for another important mission, which is to get his precious bags of candy.

Nell: Dudley, come back! We can just but more candy at the stores!

Narrator: And so, this concludes our special. There could somehow be a moral to the story, but I have no idea what it is.

Snidely is eating a lollipop.

Snidely: Yeah, the moral is don't be a sucker!

**The End**

Bullwinkle: Hey, there's Snidely Whiplash.

Rocky: Snidely, what happened to you? You're covered with bandages.

Snidely: Dudley chased me off of a cliff. He was still trying to be in character.

Bullwinkle: What happened to the bags?

Snidely: Now that you mention it, there's another moral to that episode.

Bullwinkle: What's that?

Snidely: Don't mess with a Mountie and his candy.

Rocky: And now, the next segment will be _Dial S For Shocking _or _Ring of Terror_.


	5. Ring of Terror

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**Dial S for Shocking or Ring of Terror**

Rocky and Bullwinkle Narrator: When we last left Rocky and Bullwinkle, they had escaped from a forest filled with tree monsters. Our heroes have headed for the Pottsylvanian capital and found a payphone to call for help. What they don't know is that they are standing right in front of the headquarters of Fearless Leader. Boris Badenov is morbidly waiting for Bullwinkle to electrocute himself with a telephone rigged with Ectoplasmium, a new formula that was explained in the previous segment.

Bullwinkle:Do you have a quarter?

Rocky: Not really.

Bullwinkle: Oh, then I guess we should just forget the phone and go somewhere else.

Boris gets out of his hiding place and runs up to them.

Boris: No, don't do that! You can have my quarter.

Bullwinkle: Nah, we don't need to use the phone anyway.

Boris: Yes you do!

Boris shoves him into the phone booth.

Bullwinkle: You don't have to do this. We can just ask someone for help.

Boris: But I insist! Here, use my quarter to call for help.

Rocky: Don't do it, Bullwinkle! He's Boris Badenov!

Bullwinkle: Really?

Rocky: Yeah, he's short, in a black trenchcoat, and he wears a hat.

He takes off his hat and hides it.

Bullwinkle: Rocky, you're being paranoid again. This guy doesn't have a hat, so he's obviously not Boris. Even if he is Boris, what does that have to do with the phone?

Rocky: It's probably rigged or something.

Boris: Rigged? That's ridiculous! This phone isn't rigged at all. Why, I can prove it to you if you want.

Narrator: And so, Boris foolishly uses the rigged telephone, which results in-

*BZZRT*

Narrator: -a _shocking _conclusion.

They stare at Boris, who had just fainted.

Bullwinkle: Well. That guy wasn't very helpful.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, he was just electrocuted. He probably needs our help.

Bullwinkle: Okay, but those nice people over there can help him.

He points to a group of people in their direction.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! It's a horde of Pottsylvanian guards!

* * *

Narrator: Rocky escapes from the Pottsylvanian guards by flying, and he carries Bullwinkle.

Bullwinkle: We shouldn't leave. What about the guy who got zapped?

Rocky: He's Boris. You should know him. He's an evil spy who's usually with Natasha and they try to kill us.

Bullwinkle: Okay, but we should stay for that welcoming party. Leaving a party made just for us would be really rude!

Rocky: That's not a welcoming party. They're Fearless Leader's henchmen and they want to execute us!

Bullwinkle: Oh, I get it. They want to execute a surprise party for us, right?

Rocky: I give up.

* * *

Narrator: After nearly falling for Boris's worst disguise ever, our heroes successfully escape from the guards. They didn't notice the guards were lead by Fearless Leader and Natasha Fatale.

Natasha: Boris dollink, are you alright?

He slowly gets up.

Boris: ...I think so, but that was a very electrifying experience.

Fearless Leader: If you say one more pun related to electricity, I am going to fire you!

Boris: It's not my fault! The narrator started it!

They glare at the narrator.

Narrator: Hey, don't blame me. I don't write this stuff.

Fearless Leader: We rushed out to see if we finally got rid of Moose and Squirrel.

Natasha: Were they electrocuted, dollink?

Boris: Well, they were, uh, almost zapped, but-

Fearless Leader: You bungled another trap, didn't you?

Boris: -yes. How did you know that? Do you have ESP, boss?

Fearless Leader: What?

Natasha: Extra Sensory Perception. It is a psychic ability for doing important things like bending spoons.

Fearless Leader: No, I have Extreme Stupidity Prediction! Badenov, you screw up every trap we have, even the very simple ones.

Boris: But they didn't have a quarter to put in the phone, so I-

Pottsylvanian Guard: Uh, I know I'm a background character, and I don't really do much, but Moose and Squirrel escaped a few minutes ago. Shouldn't we follow them or something?

Fearless Leader: Yes, you should. Go get Moose and Squirrel or you will all be arrested!

Pottsylvanian Guard: We're guards. How could we get arrested?

Fearless Leader: That's easy. You could just arrest yourselves. Now, go get them or else!

Guards: Yes, sir!

* * *

Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle are on the run from Fearless Leader and his guards, they are way ahead of them. Thanks to the arguing spies and their boss's lack of logic, our heroes appear to be safe. For now.

Bullwinkle: What are talking about? We're not safe. There's some zombies over there.

Narrator: They see two restless, hunched-over figures on a bench.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: Who or what are these figures? Could they be helpful to our heroes? Or are they zombies out to get them? Stay tuned next time for "Beware of Hitchhiking Zombies" or "Come Out, Come Out, Whatever You Are" to find out.


	6. Beware of Hitchhiking Zombies

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**Beware of Hitchhiking Zombies or Come Out, Come Out, Whatever You Are**

Narrator: Well it seems Rocky and Bullwinkle are running into one peril after the other. After sailing close to the Bermuda Triangle, escaping from killer trees, and almost falling for an electrifying trap, you would think things couldn't get any worse. Apparently they have, as our heroes are just about to encounter a pair of shadowy figures.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, what do what do you think those things are?

Bullwinkle: I think they're zombies. They're hunched over, lazy, and hardly even move. What else could they be?

"Tall Zombie": Now there is something you don't see everyday, Chauncey.

"Short Zombie": What's that, Edgar?

Narrator: It turns out the "zombies" are actually Chauncey and Edgar, an inseparable pair who are the world's best observers.

Bullwinkle: Rocky, the zombies are really smart! They disguised themselves as Chauncey and Edgar so they can eat our brains!

Edgar: We're not zombies. Even if we are, you don't have a brain anyway.

Rocky: Why are you in Pottsylvania?

Chauncey: We read an article about a Pottsylvanian poltergeist in The Frostbite Falls Revenue.

Edgar: And since we're reporters, it is our job to find out if this stuff is true.

Rocky: You're reporters now? Why do you always change jobs?

Chauncey: We always get fired for some reason.

Edgar: It's probably because we're always talking about things instead of doing our jobs. Chauncey, don't you think we should be interviewing those people over there?

The horde of Pottsylvanian guards is marching towards them.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! We have to escape before the guards can catch us!

Edgar: You could hide in the abandoned lighthouse over there.

He points out a decrepit lighthouse at the edge of a cliff.

Rocky: Thanks, Edgar. We really appreciate it.

Rocky and Bullwinkle head for the lighthouse.

Chauncey: Hey, why didn't they thank me?

Edgar: Who cares, we have to ask those guys some questions.

* * *

Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle escape from the guards, and they are about to enter the lighthouse. The lighthouse has a rather ominous appearance, and Rocky is worried.

Bullwinkle: As usual.

Rocky: I'm not sure if we should go in there. There's a lot of ghost stories about haunted lighthouses.

Bullwinkle: Okay, we can just go back and meet the welcoming party.

Rocky: Did you listen to what I told you earlier? Those people are_ not _a welcoming party. They are trying to arrest and execute us!

Bullwinkle: You didn't listen to me either. I already know they want to execute us.

Rocky: Then why do want to see them?

Bullwinkle: Because they're going to execute a great party. It might even be as good as the last one.

Narrator: After Bullwinkle fails to get the point, our heroes enter the lighthouse. They think they are safe, but then there is a knock at the door.

Bullwinkle: I'll get it.

He reaches for the front door.

Rocky: Don't open it, Bullwinkle! It could be the guards!

Bullwinkle: That's great, I'm sure they have a present for us.

Narrator: Rocky does some quick thinking to prevent his friend from possibly getting them arrested.

Rocky: It could be Chauncey and Edgar.

Bullwinkle: You mean the zombies?!? Hurry Rocky, we have to barricade the door!

The unknown visitors begin to speak.

Voice 1: Hey, we're not zombies! We're trick or treaters!

Voice 2: Yeah, give us some candy!

Rocky: I don't trust you. You're probably Pottsylvanian guards.

Bullwinkle: Or zombies.

Voice 2: Oh, really? Can guards or zombies do _this_?

Narrator: The "trick or treaters" blast the door down with a ray gun! It turns out that the visitors are none other than Gidney and Cloyd, a pair of space explorers from the moon.

Gidney: Oh, hi Rocky and Bullwinkle. We're sorry if we startled you.

Cloyd: We were just upset about our trick or treating progress. Our mission is to try some Earth traditions, and this is the first time we're going out for Halloween-

Gidney: -but we didn't even get one piece of candy yet!

Bullwinkle: Did you say "trick or treat"?

Cloyd: We tried that, but all we got were a bunch of rocks.

Gidney: And explosives.

Rocky: You visited Boris, didn't you?

Gindney: Yes.

Cloyd: Anyway, why are you in there?

Gidney: Cloyd, they're hiding from guards and zombies.

Rocky: Can we go with you? You can scrooch anyone who tries to kill us.

Bullwinkle: And we'll help you get some candy.

Cloyd: You will? Gidney, can they go with with us, huh, can they?

Gidney: Sure, you helped us go to the moon, and helped us look for the Kirwood Derby.

Cloyd: And now you can get us candy!

* * *

Narrator: And so, our heroes team up with the renowned space travellers on an epic search for the truth and candy. Suddenly, they see a menacing, featurless shadow near the coastline!

Bullwinkle: Hey, look at that! Do you think it's a ghost, Rocky?

Rocky: No, I think it's the guards.

Gidney: Don't worry, we'll use our ray guns to scrooch them for you.

Cloyd: Yeah, we didn't get to scrooch anyone yet. We kind of have itchy trigger fingers.

Narrator: Well they better have fast itchy fingers, because the figure is quicky advancing on our heroes. Will the Gidney and Cloyd be able to protect our heroes from this mysterious menace? Could it possibly be the "Pottsylvanian Poltergeist" that they have been searching for? And will our heroes find out about Fearless Leader's evil plan? To find the answers, be sure to-

Bullwinkle: Wait a minute, stop!

Narrator: Wha? Why should I stop narrating? I was just about the tell the audience what the next two titles are.

Bullwinkle: Rocky didn't say Hokey Smoke yet. He's been saying that at the end of every segment.

Rocky: I didn't say it for "Floral Derangement".

Narrator: Will you shut up if Rocky says the catchphrase?

Bullwinkle: Sure.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: Stay tuned next time for, "Coast to Ghost" to "Ghost to Coast".


	7. Ghost to Coast

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**Coast to Ghost or Ghost to Coast**

Narrator: In the previous segment, Rocky and Bullwinkle were on the run from Fearless Leader's guards. Our heroes found shelter in an abandoned lighthouse, but they had somewhat menacing visitors. After a misunderstanding, they teamed up with Gidney and Cloyd, some old friends from the moon. While travelling by the Pottsylvanian coastline, they come across a huge, shadowy figure, and it's heading right towards them!

Gidney: Freeze, or we'll scrooch you!

Cloyd: Yeah! Well, we'll probably scrooch you anyway. We love using our freeze ray guns.

Gidney: That's true.

Narrator: As the space explorers slowly advance on it they find out that the figure is-

Cloyd: -an orange Earth... thingy for Halloween?

Gidney: I think the inhabitants here call it a jack-o-lantern.

"Jack-O-Lantern": Ehehehheh... I have found you, Moose and Squirrel. You will never escape.

Bullwinkle: Rocky, it's a talking pumpkin from the pumpkin patch!

Rocky: That's not a pumpkin, that's Mr. Big!

Narrator: The minuscule mobster jumps out of the jack-o-lantern, and he is somehow aiming a normal sized gun at our heroes!

Mr. Big: You are correct, Squirrel. I am Mr. Big, your biggest and worst nightmare!

Bullwinkle: But you're tiny! You're as small as a bug. And you were only in two plots. If you ask me, you're a minor villain. Get it, Rocky? I said minor because he's short.

Rocky: That's an obvious and really inappropriate pun, Bullwinkle.

Mr. Big: You have made a big mistake, Moose. I may be small, but I am a big shot.

Narrator: Mr. Big fires his gun, but he fortunately misses. The recoil causes him to fly backwards and hit a rock. While he is dazed, Gidney and Cloyd zap him with their scrooch rays.

*SCROOCH*

Rocky: Thank you, Gidney and Cloyd.

Gidney: We should probably leave while he's frozen. The effect is only temporary.

Bullwinkle: Can we stay here for a minute? I want to do something important.

Cloyd: Okay, but can we're going to go trick or treating. I hear a lot of people, and they could give us candy.

* * *

Narrator: While Gidney and Cloyd go trick or treating, Rocky notices that Bullwinkle is intently staring at Mr. Big.

Rocky: What are you doing, Bullwinkle?

Bullwinkle: I'm trying to win a staring contest!

Rocky: But he's frozen.

Bullwinkle: Rocky, I know that this guy is good at staring. You don't have to use metaphors.

Rocky: No, he is literally frozen.

Bullwinkle: Can you try to be quiet for a minute? I'm trying to think.

Narrator: Two hours and one oxymoron later, Bullwinkle blinks and loses the staring contest.

Bullwinkle: Wow, he's good.

* * *

Narrator: They wander around the coast for a while, then start to look for Gidney and Cloyd. Eventually, our heroes come across a rickety, run down bridge.

Bullwinkle: Hey Rocky, we should try crossing that bridge. Gidney and Cloyd might have went there to go trick or treating.

Rocky: I don't think we should go there, Bullwinkle.

Bullwinkle: Why not?

Rocky: There are stories about monstrous trolls that live under bridges.

Bullwinkle: That's impossible. Those stories sound like fairy tales.

Narrator: Suddenly, a troll crawls from under the bridge!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Troll: Hello, I am a troll who is supposed to appear in Fractured Fairy Tales.

Narrator: You're in the wrong episode. The Fractured Fairy Tales bridge is that way.

Troll: Oh, I am very sorry. Please accept my apologies.

The troll heads for Fractured Fairy Tales.

Rocky: And you thought what I said was impossible.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, well you were wrong about him being monstrous.

Rocky: Touché.

Narrator: After a somewhat anticlimactic encounter with quite possibly the politest troll ever, our heroes are jumped by another figure from under the bridge!

Bullwinkle: So? It's probably another nice troll.

Boris: Hahahaha! I have finally captured you, Moose and Squirrel!

Rocky: You were wrong.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, it's an evil, devious, and nasty troll.

Boris: Hey, I resent that! I'm not a troll. But thank you for the compliments. As I was saying, you are trapped, and I will take you to Central Control.

Bullwinkle: You mean the information centre that we saw earlier?

Boris: No, stupid Moose! It is where spies like Natasha and myself report to the ruler of Pottsylvania, Fearless Leader. And you are now under arrest!

Rocky: But you didn't get us caught in a trap or anything.

Boris: That's what you think.

He blows a whistle, but it doesn't make an audible sound.

Bullwinkle: You might want to get that fixed.

Boris: This is a dog whistle. It is so high pitched that only dogs can hear it.

Bullwinkle: Oh boy! We'll get to see some cute, friendly dogs!

They hear growls and howling sounds.

Rocky: That doesn't sound cute and friendly to me.

Boris: They are werewolves, and they will finally get rid of you once and for all!

Narrator: Suddenly, our heroes hear howling and growling everywhere! They appear to be surrounded by the creatures. Could the spooky sounds really be from werewolves out to hunt down our heroes? Will Boris actually capture the "Moose and Squirrel"? And where are Gidney and Cloyd when you need them? To find out, be sure to stay tuned next time for, "An Occurrence at Howl Creek Bridge" or "Dances with Werewolves".


	8. Mountie Hunter

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle, Mr. Peabody, and Dudley Do-Right are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

Rocky and Bullwinkle are on a stage.

Bullwinkle: Hey Rocky, where's Mr. Peabody and Sherman? They didn't show up yet.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman enter the theatre, and walk to the stage.

Mr. Peabody: Hello, Peabody here.

Rocky: Hi, Mr. Peabody and Sherman. We have a question to ask you.

Bullwinkle: Why isn't there a Halloween episode with you guys in it yet?

Mr. Peabody: Actually, we were supposed to appear in a cartoon, but a disturbance has occurred, therefore Sherman and I must correct it.

Sherman: We have to travel back in time to Canada and rediscover Nunavut.

Mr. Peabody: Apparently, a rather moronic individual has altered the course of history by declaring Nunavut as a province 100 years before the event was supposed to occur.

Bullwinkle: Really? Gosh, I wonder who would be stupid enough to do that?

Rocky: Bullwinkle, Dudley Do-Right caused that to happen. That was in "Don't Lose Your Head," remember?

Bullwinkle: Of course I remembered. I have a great memory. Isn't that right, Herman?

Sherman: My name's Sherman.

Bullwinkle: Quiet, you.

Mr. Peabody: That just so happens to be _my_ catchphrase. We will star in an episode later.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman head for the W.A.Y.B.A.C machine.

**Mountie Hunter (Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties)**

Dudley Do-Right Narrator: At the close of the nineteenth century, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police had many brave Mounties who were dedicated to protecting the people of Canada. Speaking of Mounties, there is that heroic, famous Mountie who is none other than Dudley Do-Right. He is riding his horse, aptly named Horse, while on patrol duty.

Dudley Do-Right: Good day, Mr. Narrator. I am on the lookout for a villainous, uh, villain, known as Snidely... what's his name?

Narrator: Snidely Whiplash.

Dudley: Right, and nothing will stand in the way of performing my duties!

He then proceeds to run into a tree.

Narrator: My narration is incorrect. I should have said heroic, _infamous_ Mountie. Dudley rides back to the RCMP camp to report his findings.

Dudley: Good day, sir. I have an announcement to make.

Inspector Fenwick: You're bored?

Dudley: No. I looked for Snidely Whiplash, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Do you think he's up to something?

Inspector: Do-Right you twit, Snidely is in jail for tying my daughter to the railroad tracks again. How could he possibly be up to something?

* * *

Narrator: The inspector may think they are safe, but he is wrong. In a nearby penitentiary, known as Elevenworth Prison, there resides Snidely Whiplash, the most evil, devious man in all of Canada.

Snidely Whiplash: Thanks for the compliments, Mr. Narrator.

Narrator: As I was saying...

Snidely: Wasn't Elevenworth Prison condemned and turned into a submarine base?

Narrator: Yes, but it was recently reopened for an unexplained reason. Snidely was arrested because he attempted to tie Nell to railroad tracks for the 899th time.

Snidely: This month. I am very persistent, you know.

Narrator: Tired of not being able to cause trouble, he decides to escape. He is going to break out of the penitentiary by-

Snidely is holding a spoon.

Narrator: -using a spoon to dig a tunnel? Wouldn't that take forever? These episodes are usually 4 minutes long.

Snidely: No, I was using that for supper. _This _is what I am going to use.

He is now holding a jackhammer.

Narrator: After creating a tunnel with a conveniently available jackhammer, Snidely ends up right in front of the warden and some prison guards. However, they do not arrest him because he had just been paroled.

Snidely: I don't get it. Why did I get paroled?

Warden: Well, you were tried for trying to kill Nell, her father, and Dudley 899 times this month, but you always failed. Besides, we have more important crimes to be aware of, such as incorrect postage and Mounties who eat their peas with a knife.

* * *

Narrator: Now out of jail, the villain has one thing in mind.

Snidely: Is it ropes?

Narrator: No, revenge. Meanwhile, Dudley and his friends have no idea what is in store for them. Until one day at the camp...

Nell Fenwick: Father, Dudley, you won't believe what just happened!

Inspector: You finally realized that being in love with Dudley's horse is weird?

Nell: No. I found something important in the daily paper.

Dudley: Nell, I know Snidely isn't my brother. There was already an episode about that.

Nell: It says in the newspaper that Snidely Whiplash was paroled!

Inspector: What?

Dudley: Snidely Whiplash was paroled. Sir, you don't have particularly good hearing, do you?

Inspector: I heard everything she told us, you imbecile. I am shocked that Snidely would get a parole after all the horrible things he attempted! What kind of prison warden would do such a thing?

Dudley reads the paper.

Dudley: Hey, the warden is my uncle!

Inspector: Never mind.

* * *

Narrator: The inspector orders Dudley to be on the lookout for the vile villain. He prepares to ride his horse around the Mountie camp. Upon reaching the stable, he finds something that catches his attention.

Dudley: I found a shiny quarter!

Narrator: Try again.

Dudley: Is it this other shiny quarter?

Narrator: No, look in your Horse's stable, you cloddish constable!

Dudley: Okay, sorry.

He finds out that Horse is not there.

Dudley: Oh no, Snidely poisoned my horse!

Narrator: No, he didn't. Look at the note.

Dudley: It says, "Dear Dudley Do-Right. I am sorry for any inconveniences, but it is my duty to attend a meeting. You see, there is a reunion from my old education facility, the Canadian Institute of Horseology. Best wishes, your friend and trusted steed, Horse. PS, Neigh."

He stares at it.

Dudley: ..._Neigh_?

He looks at it again.

Dudley: "PS, I neigh for a living."

* * *

Narrator: Since Horse, the brains of the duo, is at a very important Horseology meeting, the Mountie sets off on his own. After a few hours, he appears to have nothing to report.

Dudley: Hmm, this is rather disappointing. I didn't find anything at all. In fact, all I saw was a green man trying to build a sawmill.

He stands there, and thinks about what he just said for five hours.

Dudley: ...Egad, that was Snidely Whiplash!

He heads for the sawmill, and see Snidely working on the saw.

Snidely: Ah, if it isn't my old arch nemesis, Dudley Do-Right.

Dudley: I don't know what that means, but you're under arrest!

Snidely: You want to _arrest_ me? After all those years, and the fun times we had together?

Dudley: I didn't mean to put it that way-

Snidely: My feelings are hurt! I thought you liked me!

Dudley: Are you trying to make me feel sorry for you, so you won't get arrested? If it is, it won't work.

Snidely: Yes, er, I mean, no.

Dudley: All right then. I'll just leave you alone, and not arrest you.

Snidely: Thank you, constable! You have no idea how long I've been in prison. It's been five years since I was in this saw mill, and held a rope.

Dudley leaves and heads for the RCMP camp.

Snidely: What a sucker!

* * *

Narrator: Dudley foolishly falls for the villain's phoney sob story, and tells his boss what happened.

Inspector: Do-Right, you twit! Whiplash was obviously lying.

Dudley: But sir, I feel so bad for him. He was locked up in jail for five years!

Inspector: No, he was only in there for five days. What does that tell you?

Dudley: He needs a calendar?

Inspector: ...Anyway, since you're too stupid to get the job done, I will just have to send a group of Mounties to bring him in.

Narrator: Inspector Fenwick orders a large group of constables to bring in Snidely Whiplash. However, after a few days there is no sign of them. Dudley and Nell go with him to search for the missing Mounties.

Nell: Where could they be?

Dudley: I'm not sure. Searching for them is really hard.

Mountie: We're over here!

Dudley: Where?

Mountie: On the railroad tracks. They're right in front of you. Uh, could you please untie us? I think I just heard a train.

Narrator: Indeed, the entire group is a few metres away from them. It turns out that Snidely Whiplash somehow tied all of them to the railroad tracks. Dudley and Nell untie everyone before the train comes.

Mountie: You're not what I would call an observant search party.

Inspector: Do-Right, the fiend attempted another terrible crime. Do you know what this means?

Dudley: He has enough rope to build the world's largest ball of yarn?

Inspector: No, you blockhead! It means he could do the same thing to us. Any ideas?

Dudley: Ooh, I know! We can make the world's largest ball of yarn.

Nell: We could always go somewhere else for a while so he won't follow us. Eventually, Snidely will get bored and tie someone else to the railroad tracks for a change.

* * *

Narrator: Of course, Nell's idea was much better than Dudley's. The Mountie and the Fenwicks use a stagecoach to travel from the Northwest Territories to Nova Scotia. Since Horse is still at the Horseology reunion, Dudley pulls the stagecoach. They think they will be undetected, but a certain melodramatic villain is secretly following them. To do this he uses ropes to tie himself the the bottom of the stagecoach.

Snidely: Nyha, they will never suspect where I am!

Dudley: What was that?

Snidely: ...the wind?

Dudley: Oh, okay.

Snidely: *whispers* I have to be more subtle. This will be an easy ride.

Narrator: Not really. The stagecoach moves over dirt, mud, potholes-

Snidely: Ow! Potholes?

Narrator: Yes, potholes. For potholes are always a sure sign that you have crossed the Nova Scotia border. He has to deal with these obstructions during the long trip. Not to mention that since the distance from the Northwest Territories to Nova Scotia is huge, Dudley feels as it is his sworn duty to constantly make this observation whenever possible.

Dudley: This sure is a big country.

*a few seconds later*

Dudley: This sure is a big country.

*a second later*

Dudley: This sure is a big c-

Snidely: For crying out loud, shut up already! We get it, our country is huge. Do you have to say this every _second_?

Dudley: Sorry. Wow, even the wind wants me to shut up.

* * *

Narrator: They get to their destination, which is a place near the Bay of Fundy where they can rent a house boat. After midnight, the villain emerges from under the stagecoach. Tired and frustrated, he crawls onto the deck of a nearby ship. After all of that effort sneaking onto the ship, he realizes something.

Snidely: Drat, I'm on the wrong boat!

Narrator: He's on the wrong boat alright. It turns out that it belongs to the Warden.

Warden: Snidely Whiplash, what are you doing on my house boat? You're not trying to get revenge on Dudley and the Fenwicks, are you?

Snidely: No sir, I was just, er, looking for some friends.

Warden: Okay, but I'll be watching you. I'll be watching you with my eyes closed.

* * *

The warden falls asleep. Snidely tries stowing away on another ship.

Snidely: Nyahaha, I will have my revenge!

Narrator: This ship actually belongs to a lawyer.

Lawyer: Oh no, one of my former clients is out to get me!

Snidely: You're not my lawyer.

Lawyer: Oh, sorry.

* * *

Narrator: Frustrated, he tries yet another boat.

Snidely: Nyhahahaha! You are all trapped, and will never escape!

Captain Peter "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz: Hi, I'm Captain Peachfuzz!

Snidely: What are you doing here? Do you know this is nineteenth century Nova Scotia?

Peachfuzz: Huh? Nova Scotia? Where's that?

Snidely: I doubt your fraction of a brain is able to tell me where Dudley and the Fenwicks live.

Peachfuzz: They live in an RCMP station.

Snidely: I know that, you idiot! Which house boat are they staying in?

Peachfuzz: I think it's the boat on the far right.

Snidely immediately hops off the boat to go after them.

Peachfuzz: Wait, come back! You didn't tell me where Nova Scotia is!

* * *

Narrator: Since "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz's directions inevitably lead to the wrong way, Snidely heads the ship on the far left.

Snidely: You are all trapped, and... ah, what's the point? This is probably the wrong boat. At this rate, I'll never be able to find Do-Right and the Fenwicks.

Dudley: Excuse me, Mr. Whiplash, but were you looking for me and the Fenwicks?

Snidely quickly turns around to see Dudley fishing at the front of the boat.

Snidely: Yes! I've did it! I've finally found the right boat!

Dudley: That's strange, I'm sure that we anchored it on the left. Anyway, what do you want, Mr. Whiplash?

Snidely: Oh, not much. All I want is a bit of revenge, nyaha.

Dudley: Pardon me for asking, sir, but I can't recall what "revenge" is. Can you explain it to me?

Snidely: Why tell it to you when I can show you?

He shoves the Mountie off the house boat, and pulls up the anchor.

Snidely: I'm going to the railroad tracks, with your boss and his daughter. You can put two and two together.

Dudley: Sure do! Two plus two is 22.

Snidely: Try again.

Dudley: You're going trainspotting with the Fenwicks. Okay, have a nice trip at the railroad tracks.

Snidely: Nah, they're going to be tied there, and crushed by a train. See ya later, constable!

He steers the vessel for the railroad tracks.

Dudley: For some reason, there is something upsetting about Nell and my boss's current situation. I will have to stand here and ponder about it.

* * *

Narrator: After idiotically pondering for a good hour and a half, he figures out something.

Dudley: I never got to ask my horse what Horseology is.

Narrator: Try again.

Dudley: Okay. Wait, is he planning to tie my friends to the railroad tracks?

Narrator: Yes.

Dudley: Then it is my sworn duty to rescue them!

Narrator: Dudley boldly rides, er, runs after the boat. Of course, since it is sailing in a bay, he actually has to swim after them.

Dudley was "running" until he realizes that it's water. He proceeds to sink.

On the boat, Nell and the inspector are already tied up.

Snidely: It saves time for when we get there. Now, what was I doing be you rudely interrupted... ah, I was debating which person qualifies for the title of, "stupidest character on this show". I would nominate Dudley Do-Right for the not so prestigious title.

Nell: What about Captain Peachfuzz?

Snidely: All right, so far my captives and I have narrowed it down to two people, Dudley Do-Right and Captain Peachfuzz.

Inspector: What about Bullwinkle?

Snidely: Okay, we narrowed it down to three people. Or two people and a moose. Come to think about it, there are quite a lot of idiots on this show.

Nell: What about Snidely Whiplash?

Snidely: Right, there is also Sn- hey, I resent that! That does it, I'm just going to throw you off the edge of the boat!

Dudley: Stop, in the name of the law!

Snidely: Constable, how did you get to the boat?

Dudley: I had to swim.

Snidely: Come to think about it, that was a stupid question. Nevertheless, you are too late!

He throws them off the ship.

Dudley: Oh no, they drowned!

Nell: No we didn't.

Dudley and Snidely: Huh?

They see Nell and the inspector on dry land.

Inspector: It's the bay of Fundy. It has the highest and lowest tides in the world.

Snidely: So you're saying this is low tide.

Dudley: And the giant wave heading right for us is high tide!

Narrator: Dudley jumps off the ship, but the wave crashes, and Snidely is caught in it. After ending up on the shore, he is arrested and sent back to Elevensworth Prison.

Snidely: And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for that meddling Mountie and his... where's Horse?

Dudley: We should be in an episode about looking for Horse! The title could be, "The Great Horse Search".

Nell: Speaking of Horse, he's right over there with some other horses!

She runs up to Horse and hugs him.

Nell: You're my hero, even if you didn't rescue me.

Horse: *neighs*

Dudley: Horse, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting your reunion. but can you tell me what Horseology is?

Horse: *neigh*

Dudley: Neigh?

Horse: Didn't you read my letter? I neigh for a living.

Everyone stares at him, shocked that he actually talked.

**The End**

Rocky: The next episode will be, "An Occurrence at Howl Creek Bridge" or "Dances with Werewolves".


	9. An Occurrence at Howl Creek Bridge

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions**

Rocky: And now here's something we hope you'll really like.

**An Occurrence at Howl Creek Bridge or Dances with Werewolves**

Narrator: When we last left our heroes, Gidney and Cloyd scrooched Mr. Big. Rocky and Bullwinkle had great difficulty with trying to find them. After all, spotting space aliens from the moon that went trick or treating a few days early is extremely difficult. In their search, they came across a bridge. Boris crawled from under the bridge, and set a trap on our heroes. The trap in question is a pack of werewolves!

Boris: The werewolves will get you for sure!

Rocky: What do we do, Bullwinkle?

Bullwinkle: We could always wait until sunrise. Then they'll turn back into normal people.

Rocky: That's a great idea! Boris, what time is it?

Boris: It is midnight. The sun will not rise for hours! Hahahahaha!

Rocky: Any other ideas?

Bullwinkle: Would drawing a picture of a sun count?

Rocky: Probably not.

Bullwinkle: Oh. I guess we're done for.

Narrator: The creatures become visible to our heroes, and they turn out to be-

Boris: Dogs? Just normal, ordinary guard dogs? Fearless Leader promised he would find terrifying werewolves! He made me look like an idiot.

Rocky: Uh, Boris, you probably shouldn't be saying stuff about your boss.

Boris: Shut up, Squirrel! What's he going to do, show up right behind me? As I was saying, he is a rotten, evil, lying tightwad!

Fearless Leader: Are you finished ranting, Badenov?

Narrator: You guessed it, the officer was right behind Boris during his speech. Natasha was with him, too.

Natasha: Boris dollink, you can be very slow at times. I still don't see any werewolves.

Boris: That is because there isn't any. Ask our boss about it.

Natasha: Fearless Leader dollink, you promised we would use werewolves to get Moose and Squirrel.

Fearless Leader: I lied.

Boris: Oh well, I guess we will have to use what we've got. Guard dogs, go keel Moose and Squirrel!

* * *

Narrator: The villains decide to look on as the guard dogs chase our heroes.

Natasha: You couldn't get any werewolves?

Fearless Leader: Of course not! Our budget is too small for that. And we can't use Ectoplasmium on the dogs. The formula only works on plants and inanimate objects. Even if it did work, I would have to deal with angry letters. Besides, at least we have Pottsylvanian Heckhounds.

Boris: But werewolves would be great for Halloween!

Fearless Leader: Just be glad that we didn't have to use poodles.

* * *

Narrator: Our heroes escape from the heckhounds when Rocky carries Bullwinkle while flying, and they go up a tree. The dogs surround the tree, and wait for them to come down.

Rocky: We're not going down there!

Bullwinkle: Yeah, even I'm not that stupid.

The dogs are distracted when they see someone throwing a stick.

Guard Dog 1: Hey, a stick! We should take some time off, and chase some sticks.

Guard Dog 2: I agree, I'm getting tired of this guard dog stuff.

They run after the stick.

Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle are thankfully safe. It turns out that their rescuers are none other than-

Chauncey: You were right, Edgar, the old "distract guard dogs by throwing a stick" trick worked perfectly.

Edgar: Yeah, that should distract them for a while.

Rocky: Thank you, Chauncey and Edgar.

Bullwinkle: Gosh, I thought that Gidney and Cloyd would save us.

Rocky: They're probably still trick or treating somewhere.

Bullwinkle: Don't worry Rocky. I'm sure they're looking for us, too.

* * *

Narrator: Rocky's right. Gidney and Cloyd are in the midst of working on their mission, which is to collect as much candy as possible.

Cloyd: And stuff as much candy in our faces as possible!

Narrator: You made up that "mission" stuff as an excuse for free candy and time off work, didn't you?

Gidney: Cloyd, I think he's on to us.

Cloyd: Think we should scrooch him?

Gidney: Nah, we have some trick or treating to do.

They walk around to find more houses.

Gidney: ...Are we forgetting something?

Cloyd: No.

* * *

Narrator: The canines are still occupied with playing with sticks, and our heroes have teamed up with the world's best observers to look for clues.

Bullwinkle: Okay gang, let's split up to look for clues.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, splitting up while killer trees, guard dogs, and Pottsylvanian spies are after us is definitely _not_ a good idea.

Bullwinkle: Gidney and Cloyd went off by themselves.

Rocky: Yeah, but they have scrooch ray guns. And they're candy obsessed.

Bullwinkle: Chauncey and Edgar just split up a few minutes ago.

Rocky: What?

Narrator: Rocky immediately turns around to find that they are missing. Our heroes look for the observers, and find out that they are interviewing the guard dogs, inappropriately named Fluffy and Pooky.

Edgar: So what's being a guard dog like?

Fluffy: It's a living.

Pooky: We get paid really well, too.

Chauncey: In what currency?

Edgar: Do you get paid in dollars, or bones?

Pooky: Bones, of course.

Rocky: Uh, guys? What are you doing?

Chauncey: We're reporters now. We're trying to get some interviews for our article.

Rocky: That's great and all, but we need all the help we can get for solving this mystery.

Edgar: You're right, we should help you two look for clues.

Fluffy: But what about the interview?

Pooky: Yeah, I was ready for my closeup!

Chauncey throws another stick.

Pooky: Hey, another stick! We should go catch it.

Fluffy: Yes, let's.

* * *

Narrator: While the guard dogs chase another stick, our heroes and reporters continue their search for clues.

Edgar: Did you get all of that recorded, Chauncey?

Chauncey: I sure did, Edgar! This time I'm sure I didn't screw up.

Rocky: What were you doing earlier?

* * *

Flashback

The horde of Pottsylvanian guards is marching towards them.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! We have to escape before the guards can catch us!

Edgar: You could hide in the abandoned lighthouse over there.

He points out a decrepit lighthouse at the edge of a cliff.

Rocky: Thanks, Edgar. We really appreciate it.

Rocky and Bullwinkle head for the lighthouse.

Chauncey: Hey, why didn't they thank me?

Edgar: Who cares, we have to ask those guys some questions.

Narrator: After that exchange of dialogue that was previously used in an earlier segment, the reporters rush over to halt the horde of Pottsylvanian spies.

Chauncey: Halt! Who goes there?

Pottsylvanian Guard: We're supposed to say that.

Chauncey: Oh, sorry.

Edgar: We're reporters, and our job is to check out the rumours about the strange happenings around here.

Chauncey: Yeah, and it's also our job to distract you while Rocky and Bullwinkle esca-

Edgar nudges him.

Chauncey: Hey, what was that for?

Edgar: *whispers* You're not supposed to tell them that.

Guard: Have you two seen Moose and Squirrel?

Edgar: No, sir. Can we interview you guys for a minute?

Pottsylvanian Spy: I don't know, this seems like a diversionary tactic to me.

Edgar: You'll be on TV.

Spy: Really? All right then, you've got yourself an interview.

Narrator: And so, Chauncey sets up the cameras and they interview Fearless Leader's minions. While Edgar asks the questions, Chauncey takes pictures and tries to get them on film for the televised interview.

*An hour later*

Edgar: All right, since we finished the interview we'll just be going now.

Spy: Can we see ourselves on TV?

Edgar: You can wait for the broadcast, and-

Guard: Show it to us now, or you will be arrested!

Edgar: Chauncey, show them the recording.

Chauncey: Um, I don't think we can do that.

Edgar: What? Chauncey, if we don't show them something they'll arrest us!

Chauncey: I know, but I forgot to press play.

Edgar: ...Okay, but we still have some pictures, right?

Chauncey: Actually, it's a funny story. You see, I forgot to put film in the camera. And that probably wouldn't have mattered anyway, since the lens cap is still on.

The evil henchmen glare at them.

Edgar: I don't find your story that funny.

Guard: Neither do we.

End Flashback

* * *

Narrator: Because of their not so great interviewing skills, they are now wanted and on the run with our heroes.

Rocky: No offence, but you're not exactly what I'd call ace reporters.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, you need some expert advice from me, Mr. Know it All! One of the most important aspects of being a good reporter is to always stay on topic. That means you should try to pay attention- hey, a pumpkin patch!

Narrator: They reluctantly follow "Mr. Know it All" to the pumpkin patch.

Bullwinkle: These pumpkins will be great Halloween decorations.

Rocky: This place looks kind of suspicious.

Bullwinkle: Everything is suspicious to you. I don't see any spies, and we're the only ones here except for those nice birdies looking at us.

Narrator: Those nice birdies are actually a flock of crows, and they swoop down on the unsuspecting runaways! Will our heroes and reporters be able to escape from the feathered fiends? Be sure to stay tuned next time for, "If I only had a Clue" or "Crows can be Murder".


	10. If I Only had a Clue

**Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**If I Only had a Clue or Crows can be Murder**

Narrator: In the previous segment, Rocky and Bullwinkle escaped from Boris's "werewolves", which were actually guard dogs named Fluffy and Pooky. The dogs were distracted by an interview with Edgar and Chauncey, two very inexperienced reporters. Their interview with Fluffy and Pooky went well, but there were several blunders when they were interviewing the guards and spies. As a result, our heroes and reporters are trying to escape from the no-goodniks while solving a mystery about the strange happenings in Pottsylvania. While searching for clues, Bullwinkle looked for jack-o-lanterns in a pumpkin patch. They found out that the pumpkin patch is inhabited by a murder of crows, which are swooping down on them!

The crows swoop down at them.

Joe: Caw!

Moe: Caw!

Poe: Nevermore!

The other two crows stare at him.

Poe: ...Caw?

Narrator: While running away from two crows and-

Edgar: A raven with an identity crisis?

Narrator: -Bullwinkle comes up with another not so bright idea.

Bullwinkle: We can hide behind that scarecrow!

Narrator: The reason why this is not a good idea is that crows are intelligent birds. They can easily see Bullwinkle's antlers sticking out from the sides of the scarecrow.

Bullwinkle: You could have told me this earlier, Mr. Narrator. I never learned this stuff in Wossamotta U.

Narrator: However, a flock of territorial birds isn't the only thing that the minimally educated moose has to worry about...

Scarecrow: Get off of my lawn!

Edgar: Now there's something you don't see every day, Chauncey!

Chauncey: What's that, Edgar?

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Bullwinkle: Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!

His companions stare at him.

Bullwinkle: I thought we were saying our catchphrases.

Narrator: After the shock of seeing a talking "scarecrow", they can easily see that it is really Boris in a disguise.

Rocky: Why are you disguised as a scarecrow?

Boris: Well, since my latest trap meant to keel you is an angry murder of crows, I thought that a scarecrow costume would make sense. Isn't it brilliant?

Rocky: If you ask me, your disguise isn't even convincing, let alone brilliant.

Bullwinkle: Gosh, a talking scarecrow!

Boris: It is to him.

Rocky: Why are the crows angry anyway? They usually aren't aggressive.

Boris: We had a backup plan. If the dog whistle didn't work, I would use a crow whistle. It makes a sound that is so high pitched, only birds can hear it. Allow me to demonstrate.

He blows the whistle.

Narrator: Like in "Ring of Terror", Boris's plan backfires on him.

Moe: Argh! It's that darned whistle again, caw!

Joe: Yeah, and it's coming from that scarecrow, caw!

Poe: We must act on our instincts and peck at it, nevermore!

They stare at him again.

Poe: Oh, sorry. It's kind of a habit. Caw.

Narrator: Thoroughly annoyed by the whistle, the crows retaliate by pecking at the "scarecrow".

Boris: Ow!

* * *

Narrator: Soon after our heroes and observers use this distraction to escape, Natasha and Fearless Leader show up. Much to their disappointment, Boris once again failed to arrest "Moose and Squirrel". This time, it was because he cleverly decided to use a scarecrow costume in the middle of a flock of crows. Not to mention the "crow whistle".

Natasha: Boris dollink! Are you okay?

Boris is dizzy and confused.

Boris: We're off to see the wizard!

Natasha: ...Excuse me?

Boris: You know, the Wonderful Wizard of Pottsylvania. If we see him, you can get back home by using Upsidasium slippers, and I can have a brain.

Natasha: Fearless Leader dollink, what is he talking about?

Fearless Leader: I'm just as lost as you are.

Boris: Oh, you must be the Wonderful Wizard of Pottsylvania! Mr. Wizard, can you give me a brain?

Fearless Leader: Badenov, that is even more impossible than you successfully completing a mission.

Natasha: Do you think he will be okay?

Boris: Thanks for the brain, Mr. Wizard! I will show off my new intelligence. The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to-

Fearless Leader hits Boris on the head.

Boris: -capturing Moose and Squirrel!

Fearless Leader: He's fine.

* * *

Narrator: The expert mystery solvers continue their search for clues. Let's see, _how _many clues have you guys found so far?

Rocky: *sighs* none.

Bullwinkle: But you don't have to be so sarcastic about it.

Edgar: Now there's something you don't see every day, Chauncey.

Chauncey: What's that, Edgar?

Edgar: A walking jack-o-lantern.

Chauncey: Are you feeling all right?

Edgar: I'm fine. There really is a jack-o-lantern. It's right over there.

Narrator: He points out a pumpkin on the other side of the pumpkin patch that really is moving by itself.

Bullwinkle: Well, what do you know. Those two kids were right after all.

Rocky: That "pumpkin" is really suspicious.

Narrator: His suspicions are correct. When taking a closer look, they see a familiar shadowy figure around the jack-o-lantern.

Mr. Big: I am so good at spying. No one will suspect a walking pumpkin. This is why they call me the world's greatest spy!

Narrator: They follow Mr. Big from the pumpkin patch to Lake Eerie. Even our expert mystery solvers can follow "the world's greatest spy".

Bullwinkle: You're in a sarcastic mood, aren't you?

Startled, he jumps out of the jack-o-lantern.

Mr. Big: Who's there?!?

Bullwinkle: You're right, Rocky. That really is Mr. Big!

Mr. Big: Aha! You have made a big mistake, stupid Moose. I am going to arrest you and your friend Squirrel!

Narrator: Thanks to Bullwinkle's brilliant espionage tactics, the tiny henchman is completely aware that he is being followed. Rocky climbs up a tree, Edgar hides in a nearby cave, Chauncey hides in a log, and Bullwinkle stands behind a tree. With his antlers sticking out.

Bullwinkle: I'm thinking of a new Mr. Know it All episode, called, "How to find a Good Secret Hiding Place... which isn't really a secret anymore, because I just told you".

Narrator: The title needs a little work.

Mr. Big looks around and tries to find them.

Mr. Big: I must have been hearing things. I can't find Moose or Squirrel anywhere.

Narrator: The mobster continues to sneak around in his "disguise". The three somewhat intelligent mystery solvers emerge from their hiding places.

Rocky: Why didn't he see you?

Bullwinkle: I'm Mr. Know it All, and I'm an expert at espionage.

Edgar: Which is exactly why you blew our cover earlier.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, about that, I was, uh... showing you guys what you're _not _supposed to do when spying.

Chauncey: I found a clue!

Edgar: Now that's something you don't see everyday. Or the previous nine episodes.

Chauncey: The little guy's talking to his boss. We could spy on them, and find out what's going on.

* * *

Narrator: They terrible trio are waiting for Mr. Big.

Boris: Boss, what was the answer to that math problem? Was I right?

Fearless Leader: No. The answer is the square root of the remaining side.

Boris: My answer made more sense.

They see a large shadow.

Natasha: Dollink, Mr. Big is here to see you.

Fearless Leader: So he is. Can you two leave us alone for our meeting?

Boris: Aw, do we have to?

Natasha: We have been wondering about his appearance for years. We never got to see what he actually looks like, only his shadow.

Fearless Leader: And it will stay that way.

Natasha: But why can't we see him?

Fearless Leader: Because I told you to leave.

Boris: That doesn't tell us anything.

Fearless Leader: If you fail to leave in one minute, Gidney and Cloyd will scrooch you!

Boris: But the space aliens don't work for you.

Natasha: And I saw them earlier. They were trick or treating.

Fearless Leader: I will hire them, and then they will scrooch you!

Boris and Natasha: Yes, boss.

* * *

Narrator: The dastardly duo run off somewhere in less than one minute, out of fear that they could be frozen by the space explorers' ray guns.

Mr. Big: Hello, boss. What did you do to scare them this time?

Fearless Leader: I told them they would be scrooched by Gidney and Cloyd. Of course, this proves how gullible those numbskulls are. Only an idiot would get themselves scrooched, right, Mr. Big?

Mr. Big: ...

Fearless Leader: Mr. Big?

Mr. Big: ...Gidney and Cloyd scrooched me a few hours ago. It was in, "Ghost to Coast".

Fearless Leader: Bwahahahahaha!

Mr. Big: What's so funny?!?

Fearless Leader: And I though Boris and Natasha were stupid.

Mr. Big: Stop laughing at me or else!!

Fearless Leader: Sorry, I'll stop laughing at you... *snickers*.

Mr. Big: Will you shut up and tell me why you wanted me to come here?!?

Fearless Leader: Hehehheh- oh, er, the meeting. I ordered you here because I want you to dump these boxes into the lake.

Mr. Big: What is in the boxes?

Fearless Leader: Something that is top secret. No one should know about this.

Mr. Big: But you know what's in them.

Fearless Leader: Yes, but no one else does. It is at utmost importance to hide the contents of these boxes because they cancel the effects of the secret formula.

Mr. Big: So you are saying that we can't tell anyone about this.

Fearless Leader: Exactly. We especially can't tell the reporters and Moose and Squirrel.

Mr. Big: I understand the reporters, but why not Moose and Squirrel?

Fearless Leader: Moose and Squirrel have ruined _every _evil scheme in my entire career as a villain! Every last one of them!

Mr. Big: I know how you feel. They have ruined two of my evil plans.

Fearless Leader: You only had two of them? Quitter.

Mr. Big: I resent that!

Narrator: While the villains argue about their past attempts to commit evil schemes, Rocky takes note of the mysterious parcels.

Rocky: *whispers* What do you think it is?

Bullwinkle: I don't know, but there's only one way to find out.

Chauncey: *whispers* He's going to peek in the boxes while they're distracted?

Edgar: *whispers* Yeah, I guess he's going to do something intelligent.

Bullwinkle: *shouts* Hey, can you tell us what's in the boxes? You know, so we can use them to stop your plans for world domination?

Edgar: Or not.

Narrator: Well, Bullwinkle screwed up another search for clues.

Chauncey: He screwed us over, too.

Narrator: Will our heroes and reporters be caught and unable to stop Fearless Leader from taking over the world? Or will our villains be distracted enough to allow them to escape? Hopefully the latter will occur, but stay tuned next time for, "An Eerie Predicament" or "A Matter of Life and Depth".


	11. Fractured Fairy Tales

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle, and Fractured Fairy Tales are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**The Blue Light (Fractured Fairy Tales) **

Fractured Fairy Tales Narrator: Once upon a time, there was a soldier named Lou or Louis, and he worked for a king in a small kingdom. The soldier was discharged because of major injuries from a war.

Soldier: Yeah, I tripped over a rock. Big deal, right?

Narrator: Somewhat upset about the discharge-

Soldier: Upset?!? I'm really ticked off!

Narrator: -he headed for another kingdom. After several hours of wandering aimlessly, he ran into a cottage.

Louis: Ow!

Narrator: Louis was greeted by a hermit witch named Sue.

Louis: Hi, Ms. Witch.

Sue: If you call me Mary, I'll turn you into a frog!

Narrator: After that friendly introduction, the witch let him stay at her cottage overnight.

Louis: All right, I'll work in your garden. How bad could it be?

* * *

Narrator: Oh, but he didn't know the half of it. The next morning, Louis had to work in Sue's garden. But it was certainly not an ordinary garden, for it was crawling with Pottsylvania Creepers!

Louis: Huh?

Narrator: Evil carnivorous plants from Pottsylvania.

Louis: Oh.

Sue: They're my beautiful, prized flowers. I bought them from a nice man named Boris Badenov.

Narrator: Of course, she was wrong about Boris Badenov. And she was also quite wrong about the "flowers".

Louis is trying to prevent one of the creepers from eating him.

Louis: You're telling me!

Narrator: By the end of the day he was understandably exhausted from this endeavour. In fact, he didn't finish the gardening until 6:00AM!

Sue: What took you so long? It took you more than a day to finish one garden.

Louis: I'm a soldier. Gardening isn't exactly part of my job criteria. And your plants are ugly, nasty little monsters!

One of the Pottsylvania Creepers bites him.

Louis: Yeowch!

* * *

Narrator: The witch allowed him to stay at her cottage longer if he would chop some wood.

Louis: This should be easy. All I have to do is chop some logs outside of her house.

He notices that the pile of logs is missing.

Louis: Now what?!

Narrator: The soldier followed a trail of footprints. The trail lead him to-

Dudley Do-Right Narrator: The Northwest Region of Canada.

Fractured Fairy Tales Narrator: Excuse me, but I am the designated narrator of these segments.

Dudley Do-Right Narrator: I'm sorry. But the main character somehow wandered into nineteenth century Canada. In fact, he's right in front of the local sawmill.

Fractured Fairy Tales Narrator: Louis investigated the sawmill, only to discover that its operator is-

Dudley Do-Right Narrator: That nefarious villain, Snidely Whiplash!

Fractured Fairy Tales Narrator: ...I never interrupt during _your_ segments.

Dudley Do-Right Narrator: Right, sorry.

Snidely: Nyahahahaha! I will tie Nell Fenwick to a sawmill, and Do-Right will never stop me!

He looks for some rope.

Snidely: Right after I get some rope. I kind of ran out of it after attempting to make the world's largest ball of yarn.

Louis: Uh, Mr Whiplash, could I have some of those logs back?

Snidely: Why should I listen to you? You're only supposed to be in one episode.

Louis: I could get some rope for you. And the witch won't turn us into frogs.

Snidely: All right, fine. You make a good bargain, especially the part about frogs.

Frog: Hey, I like being a frog! It's not easy being green, you know.

Snidely: Tell me about it.

* * *

Fractured Fairy Tales Narrator: Louis went to a nearby general store to buy some rope for Snidely Whiplash, and he went back to the cottage with most of the logs. After chopping some wood, the witch let him stay longer, but she had yet another task for the unsuspecting soldier.

Sue: I have a job for you. Could you get something out of a well for me?

Louis: Well, sure. Haha, get it? I said "well", and-

Sue: Another job requirement is that you have to shut up. Now, you have to get a blue light out of a nearby well.

Louis: That explains the title.

Narrator: How is this story possible? The speed of light is 299792.458 kilometres per second, and...

They stare at the narrator.

Narrator: Oh, right, it's a fairy tale. Please accept my apologies. The witch goes behind the cabin, and the soldier overhears what she is planning.

Sue: After I get the blue light, I'll trap him in the well. Then I won't have to put up with him bothering my flowers.

Narrator: When Louis found the blue light, he kept it to himself because being trapped in a well is not a promising reward. However, Sue still trapped him anyway when she used a magic spell to put a rock on top of the well. Eventually, he got bored and decided to light his pipe with it.

*POOF*

Blue Man: Have a Smurfy day!

Louis: Who are you?!?

Lawn Gnome: I'm Hugh the Blue Lawn Gnome. I used to live on the witch's front lawn, but she threw me in the well when one of her plants tried to eat me. Apparently it didn't like my pointy hat.

Louis: My name's Louis.

Hugh: Lou, today's your lucky day! I can grant you not one, not two, but _three_ wishes! Is that original or what?

Lou: Not really. Anyway, I wish for an infinite amount of wishes!

Hugh: All right. Hmm, that wish is really common for some reason.

*POOF*

Lou: Now I wish I was out of this well, far away from the witch, and _really_ far away from the Pottsylvania Creepers.

*POOF*

Narrator: Hugh took his wish literally. The wish about the well worked... well, but then he sent Louis to Mount Faraway. Then he sent him to Mount Reallyfaraway.

Hugh: What do you want me to do now?

Lou: Come to think about it, I'm really mad at a king whom I used to work for. I wish that I had my own castle on this mountain, and that his daughter can live with me.

Narrator: The soldier was in love with the princess, and the lawn gnome granted his requests.

*POOF*

Princess: What am I doing here? Say, aren't you that guy who called my father a-

Louis: It worked. Haha, he's going to be so ticked off.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the kingdom, the king was indeed "ticked off".

King: I bet that villain who ties people to sawmills is up to this.

Narrator: All the king's horses and all the king's men put Humpty Dumpty back together again- wait, that's a different story.

Horse: But I wanted to help Humpty Dumpty.

Narrator: The people and horses formed an angry mob, and searched for the pilfered princess. They searched through the woods, and left a trail of peas behind them to make sure that they didn't get lost. Then they reached a certain cottage.

Horse: It worked for Hansel and Gretel.

King: I say, Ms. Witch, did you by any chance see a princess anywhere?

Sue: No, but I saw a soldier. His name was Lou, and he worked in my garden. By the way, you should really include gardening as part of the job description, because he did a terrible job with my flowers.

Pottsylvania Creeper: *Hisssssssssss*

King: I can see why.

Narrator: On their way home, the angry mob is shocked when the peas are missing.

Mob Member: They were probably eaten by birds or something.

Narrator: Meanwhile...

Dudley: I'm going to eat some peas with a knife!

Narrator: Eventually, after a few weeks of searching, they end up at Mount Reallyfaraway.

King: You are under arrest! Guards, take him away!

Louis: I should have moved to Mount Reallyreallyfaraway.

* * *

Narrator: They throw him in a dungeon, and it seems hopeless. But he has his friend Hugh the Lawn Gnome to help him escape.

Louis: I wish that I was outta here!

Hugh: Yes, sir-

Princess: Are you talking to a gnome?

Louis: Uh, yeah, but I'm not crazy or anything.

Princess: Hey dad, he has a gnome!

King: Really? It would be great if I had one on my lawn. Louis, I'll let you go free if you give me your lawn gnome.

Princess: I'm in love with you, and I'd be happy to marry you.

*POOF*

Narrator: And so, Hugh was the official royal lawn gnome. The soldier and the princess were married and they lived in the castle on the mountain. Louis thought it was great because they lived "Reallyfaraway" from the king. And they all lived happily ever after.

**The End**


	12. A Matter of Life and Depth

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**An Eerie Predicament or a Matter of Life and Depth**

Narrator: Our heroes, Rocky and Bullwinkle, and reporters, Edgar and Chauncey, are in big trouble now. They previously encountered Boris poorly disguised as a scarecrow in a pumpkin patch. His latest trap was a "crow whistle", but like all of his other traps, it backfired on him. In the pumpkin patch, Edgar saw a walking pumpkin, which was actually Mr. Big in a not so clever costume. The mystery solvers followed the "pumpkin" to Lake Eerie, a Pottsylvanian lake. Bullwinkle tried to be a "Mr. Know it All" about spying, but his plan backfired, too.

Mr. Big: Indeed it did. I knew I was being followed. Boss, we will finally be able to get rid of Moose and Squirrel... boss?

Fearless Leader: Heheheheh, you were in a pumpkin-

Mr. Big: Stop laughing at me!

Narrator: He's right. That disguise was ridiculous.

Mr. Big: All right, if my costume wasn't that good, what should I disguise myself as?

Fearless Leader: You could always be disguised as a leprechaun. You'll always be able to fit the part, heheh.

Mr. Big glares at him.

Fearless Leader: What? It's true. Your height is only three apples tall.

Mr. Big: I am not that short!

Three apples from a nearby tree fall on Mr. Big.

Fearless Leader: What more proof can you get?

Narrator: While the bad guys are bickering, our heroes and observers cleverly stand there and observe instead of, oh, I don't know, _escaping_?

Fearless Leader: Well, if it isn't my old enemies Moose and Squirrel. Say hello to my little friend!

Mr Big: I am not little!

Bullwinkle: Rocky, the statue that I was having a staring contest with came to life!

Fearless Leader: Who won?

Bullwinkle: He did.

Fearless Leader: You had a staring contest with Moose, who is one of our sworn enemies?

Mr. Big: It's a long story.

Fearless Leader: Guards, arrest Moose and Squirrel!

Guards: Yes, sir!

Narrator: Suddenly, the mystery solvers are surrounded by guards!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Edgar: You don't see that every day.

Chauncey: What's that, Edgar?

Bullwinkle: This is great! We'll finally get our well deserved welcome party.

Fearless Leader: What?

Rocky: It's a long story.

* * *

Narrator: Just as the guards are about to close in on the gang, they are interrupted by Fearless Leader's main spies.

Natasha: Fearless Leader dollink, we have very important news!

Fearless Leader: Can't you idiots see that I am trying to do avay with Moose and Squirrel?

Natasha: Sorry, dollink, but your Pottsylvania Creeper plants are missing.

Fearless Leader: I don't care about your excuses- wait a minute, vhat happened to my Pottsylvania Creepers?

Boris: They are missing.

Natasha: Guess whose fault that is.

Boris: Don't tell him that!

Fearless Leader: Boris, what did you do to my plants?

Boris: Uh, you see, boss, there was a witch from Fractured Fairy Tales, and she said that she really appreciated your "flowers"...

Fearless Leader: Please don't tell me you sold them to her.

Boris: Wow, you must be a mind reader or somethink!

Fearless Leader: Argh! Badenov, you numbskull!

Narrator: While the boss is berating his henchmen, Mr. Big sneaks off so the duo won't see that he is actually tiny.

Pottsylvanian Guard: This will probably take a while. Why don't we get some coffee or something?

The guards go off on a coffee break.

Edgar: That was anticlimactic.

Chauncey: A more dangerous situation would've given us good ratings.

Rocky: You can worry about your news report later. We should hide for now, and come back later to find out what's in those boxes.

Bullwinkle: You mean my box top collection?

Rocky: No, I meant the ones that they were going to dump in the lake.

Bullwinkle: Oh, those boxes. I was going to ask those guys.

* * *

Narrator: Since Bullwinkle's strategy obviously didn't work, the mystery solvers enter a spooky cave, aptly called Cave Fear, to avoid being noticed by the notorious no-goodniks.

Rocky: We can stay here until they get bored and leave.

Bullwinkle: Wouldn't it be safer if we run away?

Rocky: Yeah, but we need to find out what they're dumping in the lake. It's probably a secret formula that they're trying to cover up, and then use later to take over the world!

Bullwinkle: You're always assuming that it's a secret formula. For all we know they might be copies of the Dudley Do-Right movie.

The group hears sounds in the cavern.

Edgar: What do you think it is?

Chauncey: I don't know, but do you think we'll get good ratings if we find out?

Narrator: I don't think their primary concern should be ratings, because those sounds are from a multitude of vampire bats!

Rocky: Vampire bats aren't actually aggressive.

Narrator: Well, since it's Pottsylvania, and everything in Pottsylvania is dangerous, then logically the Pottsylvanian vampire bats are dangerous, too.

Rocky: Good point.

Narrator: Will our heroes and reporters escape from the bloodsucking vampire bats? Stay tuned for "Between a Rocky and a Hard Place" or "Overdrawn at the Blood Bank".


	13. Overdrawn at the Blood Bank

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**Between a Rocky and a Hard Place or Overdrawn at the Blood Bank**

Narrator: Our heroes and reporters attempted to spy on the villains who are suspected of being behind the mystery of the Pottsylvanian Poltergeist. But they were immediately spotted thanks to Mr. Know it All's brilliant demonstration of how to spy on people.

Bullwinkle: At least the narrator appreciates my advice.

Narrator: ...Yeah, sure I do. As I was saying, they were caught spying by Fearless Leader and Mr. Big. Boris and Natasha also showed up and our heroes seemed to be done for. Luckily for our heroes, the Pottsylvania Creepers, evil carnivorous plants, were not available because Boris sold them to a witch from Fractured Fairy Tales.

Fearless Leader: You two have to get my Pottsylvania Creepers back, or I will shoot you!

Natasha: Dollink, it was Boris's idea.

Boris: Thanks a lot, Natasha.

* * *

Narrator: Our heroes and reporters used the no-goodniks' predicament to their advantage by escaping to a nearby cavern. But this turned out to not be a good idea because the cave is infested by vampire bats! Regular vampire bats actually aren't dangerous, but these ones are Pottsylvanian vampire bats!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Edgar: Well, this is bloody inconvenient.

Chauncey: Yeah, I can't get our interview camera to work.

Edgar: Can you please stop talking about interviews?

Chauncey: But you said we should stay on topic so we won't get fired. Again.

Edgar: I didn't say that when being surrounded by blood suckers, did I?

Chauncey: No, I guess not.

Bullwinkle: The animators drew way too many of these things.

Narrator: He's right. The colony of bats is so huge that they are literally flying off the film reel. Our heroes and reporters use this oddity to escape from the cavern. Meanwhile, no-goodniks Boris and Natasha run into them while searching for the Pottsylvanian Creepers.

Natasha: Boris dollink, we will finally be able to get rid of Moose and Squirrel!

Boris: If we keel them, Fearless Leader won't yell at me every five seconds.

Rocky: Now we're in even more trouble...

Boris: More trouble? What are you talking about?

Natasha: I always thought we were the main villains.

Boris: Yeah. These new villains you're referring to are taking our jobs! Where are they? I'd like to, uh...

Natasha: Give them a piece of your mind?

Boris: No. Actually, I was going to keel them.

Natasha: That's my Boris!

Bullwinkle: They're in that cave over there.

Boris: Let's show 'em who the villains really are!

Rocky: I wouldn't go in there if I were you-

Boris: Since when did I ever listen to you, Squirrel?

Rocky: Never?

Boris: Exactly.

Narrator: Boris and Natasha confront the "other villains". However, they are obviously unaware of what is really in the cavern.

Boris: Raskolnikov!

Natasha: Moose and Squirrel lied to us!

Rocky: I tried to warn you.

Narrator: They try to get away from the Pottsylvanian vampire bats. Natasha escapes the cave, but Boris is bitten by one of the bats.

Boris: Yeowch!

Bullwinkle: I guess Boris had to bite the bullet... or bite the bat... or bite the Boris... or something.

Narrator: While Bullwinkle thinks of an appropriate saying, his companions drag him away so they can use the spies' predicament as a diversion for their escape.

* * *

Narrator: After the brief encounter with Boris and Natasha, they end up back at the Pottsylvanian Lake, Lake Erie.

Edgar: I don't see Fearless Leader and Mr. Big anywhere.

Chauncey: Darn, we can't interview-

Edgar: Idiot.

Chauncey: -sorry.

Rocky: Now we can find out what's in those boxes they were trying to hide.

Narrator: They decide to go scuba diving to obtain the mysterious cargo.

Bullwinkle: Or dive trying.

Narrator: However, there is a minor setback. They do not have scuba diving equipment available for this occasion. So, they'll have to do without it.

*SPLASH*

Narrator: And so, Rocky the flying, er, swimming squirrel and his friends descend into the depths of Lake Erie. Soon they discover that there is an underwater cavern. Hey, wait a minute, if you're all underwater, how can you breathe?

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! You're right!

Narrator: Upon entering the cavern, it luckily leads to dry land, so they won't run out of air. They discover that the cavern is actually part of Central Control.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Chauncey: You like saying that a lot, don't you?

Rocky: It's my catchphrase.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Boris and Natasha are looking for "Moose and Squirrel".

Boris: We also have to find the Pottsylvania Creepers.

Natasha: Or Fearless Leader will have our heads.

Boris: Literally.

Narrator: They're not exaggerating. The morbid manager of Pottsylvania is prone to random acts of violence.

Natasha: Which is why we love him so much.

Boris: You know, I've been thinking, even if he doesn't keel us, I'm doomed!

Natasha: Really? Why would you say that?

Boris: I was beetten by one of the Pottsylvanian vampire bats.

Natasha: Oh, no! Are you all right, dollink?

Boris: Not for long. I will probably turn into a vampire or somethink.

* * *

Narrator: It seems Boris has been having very bad luck lately. This makes sense because this is the thirteenth episode of this serial. Hopefully a streak of bad luck won't happen to the mystery solvers.

Rocky: Actually, technically this is the tenth episode. There were two Dudley Do-Rights and one Fractured Fairy Tales episode in between. And we're not scared of superstitions anyway. Right, guys?

He looks for his friends, but they appear to be missing.

Rocky: ...guys?

Narrator: The squirrel searches for his companions, who appear to have vanished in thin air. It seems that he is having bad luck, hmm?

Rocky: Please don't rub it in.

Narrator: Will Rocky find his partners and solve this mystery? Will Boris turn into a "vampire"? Or is he nuts?

Rocky: Wouldn't "batty" make more sense?

Narrator: Yes, indeed it would. Stay tuned for, "One Vampire is Badenov" or "Team Spirit".


	14. Team Spirit

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**One Vampire is Badenov or Team Spirit**

Narrator: When we last left our heroes and reporters, they evaded the pursuit of the no-goodniks and the blood sucking Pottsylvanian vampire bats. However, a certain no-goodnik wasn't so lucky...

Boris: I am doomed for sure!

Narrator: Boris Badenov was bitten by one of the multitude of bats in a cave. Therefore, he thinks he'll turn into a "vampire". Rocky is also having some bad luck, in that his fellow explorers appear to have left. After somehow swimming underwater in a Pottsylvanian lake without breathing apparatuses, they discovered a hidden cave that leads to Central Control, the headquarters of Fearless Leader.

Rocky: I should find them before Bullwinkle does anything stupid.

Narrator: That's a good idea. After screwing up a chance of solving the mystery of the Pottsylvanian Poltergeist, who knows what he'll do next?

Bullwinkle is exploring the secret base. He trips over a box.

Bullwinkle: Whoops! Hey, this is one of those boxes they were hiding from us earlier.

Rocky manages to find him before he opens the crate.

Rocky: Now we'll find out what's in there. I'm sure it's a top secret invention that will help him take over the world.

Bullwinkle: You're being paranoid again. He's probably just trying to get rid of something. I still think they're copies of the Dudley Do-Right movie.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, we find out that the villains left Lake Eerie because they were going to Central Control to find a way to get rid of something. Unfortunately for our heroes, and possibly Dudley, instead of the movie they're trying to get rid of a certain Moose and Squirrel.

Bullwinkle: Really? Which Moose and Squirrel?

Rocky: Us.

Bullwinkle: Oh, that makes sense. I think.

Narrator: You don't. As I was saying, they are very close to the establishment, and hopefully won't be heading for the secret area.

Natasha: What a coincidence. That's exactly where we are going.

Boris: Do you have ESP, Mr. Narrator?

Narrator: No. I know this because I'm the narrator.

Fearless Leader: Don't start that bull about ESP again, Badenov.

Boris: Sorry, boss.

* * *

Narrator: Speaking of bull, Bullwinkle and Rocky are in midst of discovering the contents of the crates.

Bullwinkle: Let's see, there's nothing up my sleeve-

Rocky: That trick never works...

Bullwinkle: -and presto!

He opens the crate and it explodes.

*KABOOM*

Bullwinkle: No doubt about it. I've gotta get another hat.

* * *

Narrator: It turns out that the mysterious boxes served as a red herring for our heroes.

Fearless Leader: Of course. Did you honestly think I would hide the secret formula in somewhere that obvious?

Narrator: The substance known as Ectoplasmium, which has the ability to cause supernatural effects on various objects, is the key to Fearless Leader's latest plan for world domination. If Rocky and Bullwinkle and reporters Edgar and Chauncey find out, when they escape the mystery will be solved and everyone will know about it.

Fearless Leader: That will never happen. No one has _ever_ successfully escaped from Pottsylvania.

Boris: But boss, Moose and Squirrel have escaped from Pottsylvania before at least twice.

Fearless Leader: Fatale, what was that catchphrase Badenov often said to you?

Natasha: Shaddup your mouth?

Fearless Leader: Yes, that one. Thank you.

He hits Boris on the head.

Fearless Leader: Shaddup your mouth!

Boris: Thank you for the compliment. It was a great honour to get hit on the head, boss.

Fearless Leader: Have you been sniffing jet fuel?

* * *

Narrator: The adventurous duo are probably feeling really stupid right now.

Bullwinkle: I feel stupid all the time.

Narrator: That doesn't surprise me.

Rocky: This is kind of a let down.

Narrator: Just then, the floor that they are standing on is revealed to be a trap door!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: Who released the trap door on our heroes?

Mr. Big is next to a switch that is larger than he is.

Mr. Big: Eheheheheh, eheheh, eheh...

Narrator: That question was answered rather quickly. Will Rocky and Bullwinkle survive the plunge that may lead to their impending doom? Where did Fearless Leader hide the Ectoplasmium? How did Mr. Big get here so fast?

Rocky: It's most likely another plot hole.

Bullwinkle: We're falling in one right now.

Narrator: And where are Edgar and Chauncey? So much for team spirit.

Mr. Big: That is a very bad pun.

Narrator: Sorry about that. Stay tuned for "Ghost of a Chance" or "Mr. Big the Not So Friendly Ghost".


	15. Ghost of a Chance

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**Ghost of a Chance or Mr. Big the Not So Friendly Ghost**

Narrator: Just when our heroes thought they had the mystery of the Pottsylvanian Poltergeist solved, what they worked so hard for turned out to be a red herring. The mysterious cargo that was dumped into a lake, which lead to the basement of Central Control, turned out to be explosives instead of a secret formula. Then Mr. Big pulled a switch that opened a trap door, and of course they fell for it.

Rocky: We'll have to keep looking for clues.

Bullwinkle: We won't have to worry about that for long.

Rocky: Really? Why?

Bullwinkle: We're going to land on a spiked floor!

Rocky: I'm not worried.

Bullwinkle: Huh? That's a first!

Rocky: Don't you remember? I can fly us to safety.

Narrator: Rocky the flying squirrel rescues Bullwinkle by using his aerial ability to prevent them from literally falling into the terrible trap.

* * *

Narrator: Mr. Big ran off to inform Fearless Leader of his alleged accomplishment. Coincidentally, the boss and his spies, Boris and Natasha, are at the front gate of Central Control. Of course, they could only see his shadow.

Mr. Big: Boss, I have finally disposed of Moose and Squirrel!

Fearless Leader: You have?

Mr. Big: Yes. They fell for the trap door in the basement.

Fearless Leader: The one that has the spiked floor?

Mr. Big: Precisely.

Boris: Why didn't I think of that?

Natasha: You are obsessed with explosives, dollink.

Fearless Leader: And you're a moron.

Mr. Big: Does this mean I get a raise?

Fearless Leader: Of course.

Mr. Big: It was so easy thanks to my experience in espionage. I didn't even have to make sure they fell in there. I knew they were doomed.

Fearless Leader: Are you insane?

Mr. Big: Yes. You are, too.

Fearless Leader: That's not the point.

Mr. Big: What are you trying to tell me?

Fearless Leader: Mr. Big, you are a numbskull!

Boris: Fearless Leader called someone else a numbskull for once.

Fearless Leader: In case you forgot, Rocky is a _flying _squirrel. He can easily fly out of that kind of situation.

Narrator: Fearless Leader, Natasha, and Mr. Big immediately barge into the building to "dispose of" our heroes. Boris left since he's worried about becoming a vampire because a vampire bat bit him.

Mr. Big: Do I still get a raise?

Fearless Leader: No.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Edgar and Chauncey-

Rocky: Where are they?

Narrator: I was just going to answer that question. The reason why the reporters have been absent is because the candy fixated space aliens, Gidney and Cloyd, are still looking for Halloween candy. They coincidentally took their Halloween adventure to Central Control.

Edgar: If you two are trick or treaters, where's your costumes?

Chauncey: Oh, I know why. They're so weird looking that they don't need any costumes.

Cloyd: Hey! I take offence to that! I'm gonna scrooch you with my ray gun.

Cloyd aims his freeze ray gun at Chauncey.

Edgar: You and your big mouth.

Chauncey: Uh, you don't have to take it so seriously. I was only kidding!

Gidney: Cut it out, Cloyd. We're on a mission for candy. Not scrooching people.

Cloyd: Aw, but this mission is going nowhere!

Gidney: I know. Unfortunately, all we've got are rocks and explosives.

Edgar: Let me guess. You visited Boris Badenov.

Gidney: Yeah.

* * *

Narrator: After clearing this misunderstanding, Edgar and Chauncey give our trick or treating travellers some advice. In return, the amateur reporters were safe from being scrooched. Their advice involved going to the living quarters of a recent acquaintance.

Cloyd: This place looks familiar for some reason.

Gidney: It should. This is where that Boris Badenov guy lives.

Cloyd: Oh, I know him! He's the guy who put rocks and explosives in our bags, right?

Gidney: Yep. That's him all right.

Narrator: The "trick or treaters" decide to extract revenge on the unsuspecting spy.

They go up and ring the doorbell.

*ring*

Boris: Oh, boy! There is more trick or treaters for me to terrorize!

Narrator: Gidney and Cloyd both have the ability to become invisible. You can probably figure out what they'll do next.

Boris opens the door and apparently no one is there.

Boris: I must be hearing things or somethink...

When he closes the door, they become visible again.

Narrator: They repeat this prank and Boris actually falls for it. Multiple times.

He checks again and they're still invisible.

Boris: I am going insane!

Cloyd: *whispers* I thought he was already insane.

Gidney: *whispers* He is.

Boris: Who said that?

Gidney: The voices in your head.

Boris: I knew it! I'll have to tell my boss...

Narrator: The gullible candy hog unknowingly walks past the invisible duo. He is in such a hurry that he forgets to lock the front door. Gidney and Cloyd eagerly use this opportunity to go in and eat all of the Halloween candy.

Gidney: I don't know if I'd be a good psychiatrist...

Cloyd: Who cares? He started it.

* * *

Narrator: At the potential centre of this mystery, even though our heroes escaped a deadly trap, they may be faced by another one. Will our heroes avoid being captured by the no-goodniks? And will Boris finally realize that he's not a vampire? Be sure to stay tuned for, "Vampire Bats and Scaredy Cats" or "It Lives by Fright".


	16. Vampire Bats and Scaredy Cats

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**Vampire Bats and Scaredy Cats or It Lives by Fright**

Narrator: When we last left our heroes, they avoided falling for a perilous pitfall.

Bullwinkle: I was sure that it was a plot hole.

Narrator: The trap was sprung by Mr. Big, a Pottsylvanian spy, who immediately reported to Fearless Leader. Like always, only Mr. Big's shadow was visible.

Fearless Leader: Where are dead Moose and Squirrel?

Mr. Big: They should be in the trap I set up-

They look into the hole with spikes at the bottom and notice that no one is there.

Fearless Leader: Mr. Big, you dummkopf!

Narrator: Of course, Rocky the Flying Squirrel easily escaped this time. His method of escape should be obvious...

Fearless Leader: It should also be obvious to you, Mr. Big.

Mr. Big: At least I'm trying. What happened to Badenov?

Natasha: You don't want to know.

* * *

Narrator: She's right. Boris Badenov is in a very strange situation. At least he thinks he is. After being bitten by a Pottsylvanian vampire bat, he thinks he's going to become a "vampire".

Boris: I'll have to tell my boss!

Narrator: The paranoid evil doer heads for Central Control to inform about his predicament. Mr. Big leaves so they can't see that he's really three inches tall.

Boris: Fearless Leader, I have very important news!

Fearless Leader: You finally killed Moose and Squirrel?

Boris: No. Natasha and I were tricked into entering a cave full of Pottsylvanian vampire bats. I was bitten by one...

Fearless Leader: So what?

Boris: I will turn into a blood sucking vampire, that's what.

Natasha: My poor dollink!

Fearless Leader: You're not turning into a vampire, Badenov.

Boris: Really? How can you be sure?

Narrator: To prove his point, he stuffs a clove of garlic in Boris's mouth.

Fearless Leader: If you were a vampire, the garlic would make you crumble into dust. Unfortunately, you didn't.

Boris: I am cured! Thank you so much.

Fearless Leader: Don't mention it. Ever.

* * *

Narrator: That that the biting issue is taken care of, Boris lived battily ever after. Of course, he's always been a little batty, with his obsession to get rid of our heroes-

Boris: I almost forgot, I must keel Moose and Squirrel!

Narrator: -And off they go into the building. With all that time spent on a false case of vampirism, surely Rocky and Bullwinkle must have escaped.

Bullwinkle: Not really.

Rocky: Bullwinkle insisted to check all the boxes for clues.

Bullwinkle: And all of them exploded on me!

Narrator: Well, you'd better at least find a hiding place. The bad guys are searching the building, and if they find you, they'll do something really scary.

The duo frantically look for a safe hiding place while running upstairs.

Rocky: Couldn't they trap up upstairs?

Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky! I found a safe spot.

Rocky: A coffin?

Bullwinkle: Sure. Even if they do find us, this will spare them the trouble.

Bullwinkle opens the coffin.

Narrator: Much to their shock and horror, they discovered that the casket is already occupied by a phantom!

Ghost: Hey! Do you mind?

Rocky: Sorry about that.

Ghost: Tell your buddy to stop with the explosion noises. I swear it's loud enough to wake the dead!

He slams the coffin lid.

Bullwinkle: No kidding.

* * *

Narrator: Well, maybe not the "horror" part.

Bullwinkle: Let's split up, gang.

Rocky: I'm not sure if that's a good idea-

Bullwinkle: I'll hide outside the window. I won't be too heavy and fall in that inconveniently placed well.

He attempts to stay on the ledge, but he falls off.

*THUD*

Rocky: Are you all right?

Bullwinkle: Yeah. But I landed in the well.

Rocky: No problem. I'll fly and-

Boris: Hahahahaha! There is no escape, Moose and Squirrel.

Rocky: I'll have to come back later...

Narrator: After a quick search, Rocky finds himself in what appears to be an art gallery. But the pieces on display seem rather ominous.

Rocky: This place is kind of creepy... Hokey Smoke, one of the pictures just moved!

Narrator: Could the paintings possibly be haunted? Will Rocky evade the pursuit of the no-goodniks and save Bullwinkle from being stuck in a well? Stay tuned for "Wishing you Well" or "Fright Gallery".


	17. Fright Gallery

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**Wishing You Well or Fright Gallery**

Narrator: Tonight on Fright Gallery, we find a nervous squirrel in a strange situation. His search for clues in the Central Control headquarters was interrupted when the villains showed up. Bullwinkle fell down a well when he was looking for a hiding place.

Bullwinkle: All's well that ends in a well.

Narrator: However, this certainly isn't the ending because there is still a mystery to be solved. Before Rocky and Bullwinkle can continue their investigation of the Pottsylvanian Poltergeist, they'll have to avoid being captured. Rocky is in an art gallery that could quite possibly be haunted.

Rocky finds a blank painting.

Rocky: This looks like one of Bullwinkle's "masterpieces" in Painting Theft.

He reads the title.

Rocky: "This is not a Painting"...?

Then he reads a notice under the title.

Rocky: "This is a trap"- Hokey Smoke!

* * *

Narrator: Bullwinkle is also in a perilous predicament.

Bullwinkle: Not really. It's just a well.

He leans back against the brick wall structure and it collapses.

Bullwinkle: A secret tunnel?

Narrator: While exploring the secret tunnel, Bullwinkle finds a suspicious looking box. Hopefully it doesn't contain thirteen evil ghost demon monsters.

Bullwinkle: Ooh, a treasure chest! I'm gonna open it.

Narrator: Don't do that! You'd probably have to travel all over the world to recapture them-

He opens the treasure chest.

* * *

Narrator: We leave another cliffhanger to find out that the villains are at still at the front door.

Boris: Hahahahahaha! I am Count Boris Von Batenov, and I want blood! Open up or I will suck all your blood, Moose and Squirrel!

Natasha: Are you sure Moose and Squirrel will fall for this?

Boris: Of course they will. They are very gullible. You can tell by the number of times we have outsmarted them. Even if we never completed any missions.

Fearless Leader: I really shouldn't bother with evil minions...

Narrator: The terrible trio enter the Central Control building in a search for our heroes.

Boris: Where is Moose and Squirrel?

Natasha: They might be hiding in that nearby coffin.

Fearless Leader: If they are, we won't have to get one when we kill them.

Narrator: It's the same casket that the moose and squirrel found earlier.

Coffin Ghost: You again! How many time have I- oh, I thought it was those two guys again.

Natasha: Were the two guys Moose and Squirrel?

Coffin Ghost: You three are dead set on catching them, aren't you?

Boris: Shaddup your transparent mouth!

Coffin Ghost: What are you gonna do? Kill me?

Natasha: He has a point there, Boris.

Fearless Leader: Tell us where Moose and Squirrel are hiding or I will nail your coffin shut!

Coffin Ghost: Fine. I think they jumped out the window or something.

Fearless Leader: Moose could have done that. He is definitely stupid enough...

Coffin Ghost: Now leave me alone!

He slams the coffin lid.

Boris: And I thought I was grumpy.

* * *

Narrator: Rocky found a peculiar painting in a spooky hallway, but it turned out to be a trap!

Nothing happens.

Rocky: Maybe the trap is deactivated?

Narrator: As soon as the squirrel turns around, the "painting" somehow sucks him in!

Rocky: Help! I've been framed!

* * *

Narrator: I predict the mystery solving moose will regret opening the treasure chest.

Bullwinkle: Since when did you start making psychic predictions, Mr. Narrator? That's what I do. It's one of my many talents as Mr. Know it All.

Narrator: Before I start laughing at him, we'll end this segment with yet another cliffhanger. What are the contents of the box? Will it help or hinder our heroes? And will Bullwinkle be smart enough to rescue Rocky from the ghoulish gallery? Be sure to stay tuned for "Rocky gets Framed" or "The Thirteen Ghosts of Bullwinkle J. Moose".


	18. Thirteen Ghosts of Bullwinkle J Moose

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**Rocky gets Framed or the Thirteen Ghosts of Bullwinkle J. Moose**

Narrator: Rocky explored a haunted art gallery, and was puzzled by a peculiar painting. But the blank painting was actually a trap, and its subject is now a stuck squirrel.

Boris: We should look for Moose and Squirrel in the gallery.

Rocky: *thinking* Oh, no! I'm trapped and they'll find me for sure...

Narrator: Boris Badenov, who previously tried to stop our heroes from solving the mystery by disguising himself as a scarecrow, got the straw knocked out of him by a murder of crows.

Boris: Shut up, Mr. Narrator! Or I will send you to the corn field!

Natasha: You are forgetting something, dollink.

Boris: Oh, right. If you don't shut up, Mr. Narrator, I vill suck your blood!

Narrator: Now he's using another identity of Count Boris Von Batenov, which will more than likely lead to similar results. Natasha and Fearless Leader ignore Boris's method acting and search for Rocky in the gallery.

Fearless Leader: So far all I see is pictures at an exhibition.

The appear to exit the exhibit.

Rocky: That was close.

Fearless Leader: Aha! You have made a big mistake, Squirrel!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Bullwinkle found himself at the bottom of a well, and he found a strange box with unknown contents.

Bullwinkle opens the mysterious treasure chest.

Narrator: You shouldn't have done that...

Bullwinkle: Oh, no! I have opened the Chest of Demons!

Narrator: He bravely stands up to them by cowering while waiting for the malicious monsters to appear.

Bullwinkle: They must be slower than business at a ghost town.

Narrator: It's been 20 minutes and he didn't see even one monster. And that's five times the length of these episodes.

Bullwinkle: Are they invisible or something?

Narrator: There aren't any.

Bullwinkle: False alarm, huh?

Narrator: But there is a strange, phosphorous substance in there.

Bullwinkle: Huh?

Narrator: It's glowing.

Bullwinkle: Ooh, I know what it is! It's glow in the dark paint!

Narrator: Are you sure about that? Judging by the obscure location, it could be a secret formula called Ectoplasm-

Bullwinkle: You're being paranoid like Rocky. I've been looking fer glow in the dark stuff for Halloween decorating!

* * *

Narrator: While Bullwinkle babbles on about the wonders of "glow in the dark stuff", Edgar and Chauncey, the intrepid yet amateur reporters, are looking for their first billing friends.

Edgar: We should write up a news story on their disappearance.

Chauncey: No need to do that. I can hear someone talking in that well, and I think it's Bullwinkle.

Edgar: How do you know it's him?

Chauncey: Who else would be stupid enough to fall in a well?

Edgar: Timmy? You hear stuff about Timmy stuck in a well everywhere.

Chauncey: That's true.

Bullwinkle: Hello, low IQers!

Chauncey: Low IQers? I'm not saving you, my feelings are hurt.

Edgar: Actually, he's right about you. And we should save him anyway.

Chauncey: But I have a better idea. We'll do a story on his predicament, and we'll be rich! This is our ace in the hole!

Edgar: I don't know. The ending was kind of a downer-

Chauncey: We'll also need a good headline, and lots and lots of publicity.

Narrator: Edgar ignores Chauncey's ramblings and attempts to get Bullwinkle out of the well.

Edgar: That well is pretty steep. I have to get a rope or something.

Narrator: And so he wander off somewhere to find a rope. When he comes back with one-

Edgar: I got it from Snidely Whiplash.

Narrator: -he notices that Chauncey is missing.

Chauncey: I'm not missing. Bullwinkle and I are discussing business plans involving how his predicament will give us a good story.

Edgar: ...You fell down the well, didn't you?

Chauncey: Yes.

Bullwinkle: Do you want to come in, too? There's always room for one more.

Edgar: I have no idea how Rocky puts up with this.

Narrator: He lowers the rope, and the business partners ascend. Bullwinkle takes the treasure chest with him.

Bullwinkle: I thought it was the Chest of Demons, but it turned out to be glow in the dark Halloween paint.

Narrator: Unfortunately, not even glow in the dark paint can make him bright.

* * *

Narrator: After trying to figure out what the strange substance really is, which resulted in no logical answers at all, they decided to split up and look for more clues. Chauncey and Edgar are still looking for a breakthrough in their newest profession, and Bullwinkle is trying to find his friend Rocky.

Bullwinkle: Rocky is worrying too much. I'm sure that this glow in the dark stuff will cheer him up!

Narrator: He doesn't look where he's going and walks off a nearby cliff, and is plunging into the Pottsylvania waters!

Bullwinkle: Jumping G. Horsefat! Where does there always have to be a deadly cliffhanger?

Narrator: Little does he know that there are two deadly cliffhangers. Rocky was spotted and arrested in the Fright Gallery, and knowing Fearless Leader and his lackeys, he's going to be in big trouble. Stay tuned next time for, "Rocky gets the Picture" or "Drowning his Sorrow".


	19. Mr Peabody, Sleepy Hollow

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle, and Mr. Peabody are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**Headless Horseman (Peabody's Improbable History) **

Mr. Peabody: Hello, Peabody here. Today Sherman and I are going to visit a historical figure known as Washington Irving.

Sherman: We're going to Washington? If we are, this episode should be called "Mr. Peabody goes to Washington".

Mr. Peabody: No. We're not going there today.

Sherman: So we're going to visit an oil company?

Mr. Peabody: Wrong again.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: After explaining that Washington Irving was the author of many stories including "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow", Sherman set the WAYBAC machine for, where else, nineteenth century Sleepy Hollow, New York. We were transported to a creepy forest at about midnight.

Sherman: Gosh, Mr. Peabody, it's the Headless Horseman! And he's headin' right for us!

Mr. Peabody: I find that hard to believe.

Peabody Narrating: Surprisingly, he was right. The Headless Horseman was, as you probably guessed, riding a horse, and was heading right for us!

The horse stops right in front of Mr. Peabody and Sherman.

Headless Horseman: I want a head!

Mr. Peabody: Well, you certainly are aggressive when it comes to headcount, aren't you?

Peabody Narrating: I attempted to reason with him in a tête à tête conversation.

Mr. Peabody: Pardon me, but do know where Washington Irving is?

Peabody Narrating: The phantom responded by attempting to shake his head, which of course was nonexistent. This was rather amusing if not strange.

Mr. Peabody: I see.

Peabody Narrating: Before he attempted to run us over, I shoved Sherman out of the way to safety.

Sherman: Thanks, Mr. Peabody. The next time I'm about to get run over by a ghost without a head, I'll let you know.

Mr. Peabody: Which is of course a regular, everyday occurrence. And it's going to happen again.

Sherman: When's that, Mr. Peabody?

Mr. Peabody: Right now!

Peabody Narrating: Again I shoved Sherman out of the way of the wraith's path.

Mr. Peabody: Run, Sherman, run!

The dog thinks about what he said for a second.

Mr. Peabody: Heheh. See Sherman Run.

Peabody Narrating: After thinking of a rather spotty pun, Sherman and I ran under a log. Not exactly able to see where he is going, the horseman steers right into the it and falls off his horse.

Headless Horseman's Horse: *shakes his head in disbelief*

Peabody Narrating: Then the not so graceful ghost proceeds to fall into a pond.

*splash*

Headless Horseman: *coughs* Now I've done it! I might catch a head cold...

* * *

Peabody Narrating: After our daring escape, we searched for a place to hide in the town of Sleepy Hollow.

Mr. Peabody: We'll stay in this house.

Sherman: But shouldn't we be looking for Mr. Irving?

Mr. Peabody: What does the sign say?

Sherman: "The Property of Washington Irving".

Mr. Peabody: Well then, where are we?

Sherman: Congress?

Peabody: Quiet, you.

The writer hears them from inside and opens the door.

Washington Irving: I say, who are you two?

Mr. Peabody: Allow me to introduce myself.

Sherman: Since when were you Boris Badenov?

Mr. Peabody: Please ignore him. I am Mr. Peabody, a renowned time traveller. And this is my pet boy, Sherman. Say hello to the famous writer, Sherman.

Sherman: Hello!

Mr. Peabody: Good boy. He is also trained to retrieve the daily newspaper.

Peabody Narrating: During a conversation I explained how we were chased by a maniacal spirit who lost his head due to being hit by a cannonball.

Washington Irving: You're a strange lot. Perhaps you could inspire me to write a new novel that I am stuck on...

Peabody Narrating: He told us about a social gathering that he was invited to at the Van Tassels' estate.

Washington Irving: With you nice fellows and a party coming up, surely I'll get some ideas in my head.

Mr. Peabody: Oh, I'm sure you will...

* * *

Peabody Narrating: While thinking of some ideas for his novel, Mr. Irving brought us along to a party at the Van Tassels' well established estate.

Washington Irving: Hello, Mr. Van Tassel, sir. I brought some friends with me. Their names are Mr. Peabody and Sherman. Apparently they are time travellers from the future.

Mr. Van Tassel: Ah, yes. Mr. Irving. Please do come in with your acquaintances. Let us get this social gathering established, shall we?

They follow him through the huge house.

Sherman: *whispers to Mr. Peabody* This guy sounds really sophisticated and stuff.

He lead them to the courtyard, which has a pool in the center.

Van Tassel: We're gonna have a pool party! I'll start this off with a big splash.

The host gets on the diving board.

Mr. Peabody: Um, Mr. Van Tassel, are you by any chance going to perform the diving technique that I'm thinking of-

Van Tassel: CANNONBALL!_!_

*splash*

The phantom appears from the nearby forest._  
_

Headless Horseman: You have offended and incurred the wrath of me, the Headless Horseman! I want a head!

Mr. Peabody: ...Now you've done it.

Peabody Narrating: If what he meant by making a "big splash" at the party was unintentionally scaring the guests, then yes, he did quite a good job at that.

Mr. Peabody: Ah, if it isn't our old friend Sir Dudley Do-Right the first.

Headless Horseman: How dare you!

Mr. Peabody: And why isn't your horse headless as well? Didn't he lose it to mobsters?

Horse: *snorts angrily*

Headless Horseman: No one upsets my horse. Chaaaaaaaaaarge!_!_

Peabody Narrating: I taunted them for a logical reason. Recalling how clumsy the rider was back in the woods, I side stepped out of the way. You can guess what happened next.

*splash*

Horse: *Shakes his head in disbelief again*

Van Tassel: Aw, no fair! He made a bigger splash than I did.

Sherman: Now let's see who the Headless Horseman _really _is!

He pauses for a minute.

Sherman: Where's his mask?

Mr. Peabody: Open the coat.

Sherman: Oh, right.

Peabody Narrating: The culprit was-

Everyone at the Party: Ichabod Crane?_!_?

Ichabod Crane: Yeah, it was me.

Van Tassel: But why, Mr. Crane?

Ichabod: Everyone was invited except me. Good Grief...

Van Tassel: Oh, I am very sorry. I actually did invite you, but the mail must have got lost or something of that sort. You're invited now.

Washington Irving: I concur. That was an inspiring performance.

Ichabod: Thank you all.

Mr. Peabody: Aren't you forgetting something, Mr. Crane?

Ichabod: I want a head!

Mr. Peabody: Actually, I thinking of the "meddling kids" catchphrase.

Ichabod: And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that meddling dog and his kid!

Mr. Peabody: Good show.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: And that's how the famous author envisioned "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow". After the adventure, Sherman and I headed for home.

Sherman: Well, Mr. Peabody, I'd say we did a good job at solving this mystery!

Mr. Peabody: Indeed we did. In fact, this reminds me of a famous saying.

Sherman: Really? What?

Mr. Peabody: Two heads are better than one.

**The End**

Rocky is still stuck in the blank canvas trap from the previous segment.

Rocky: The next episode will be "Rocky gets the Picture" or "Drowning his Sorrow".


	20. Rocky gets the Picture

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**Rocky gets the Picture or Drowning his Sorrow**

Narrator: In this title-

Boris: The second title sounds familiar for some reason...

Narrator: -Bullwinkle is heading for a watery grave.

Boris: Moose could get keeled? Oh, I am so very excited!

Narrator: Luckily for Bullwinkle, the inexperienced reporters, Edgar and Chauncey, went boating and they save him.

The plummeting moose falls into their boat.

Edgar: Well, there's something you don't see every day.

Chauncey: What's that, Edgar?

Edgar: A moose falling in our boat. Are you blind or something?

Narrator: Our heroic moose is safe!

Bullwinkle: Hooray!

Boris: Aw, phooey!

Narrator: Boris, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Fearless Leader and Natasha?

Boris: You're right, but I'm sure they already have Squirrel taken care of.

Narrator: Taken care of? We'll see about that.

* * *

Narrator: Actually, Rocky the squirrel is safe and sound. Albeit he is now in a dingy Pottsylvanian dungeon. But at least they're not trying to keel him. If that's what Boris meant when he said "taken care of", then he was right.

Rocky: That's great!

Fearless Leader: Not for long he isn't. Heheheheheheh...

Rocky: I hope Bullwinkle is okay and Boris didn't get him.

Fearless Leader: That reminds me. Natasha, where is Boris Badenov?

Natasha: He is going to take care of Moose for us, dollink.

Fearless Leader: Ah, good.

Narrator: When you two mean "taken care of", does that mean ensuing their safety or, um, you know-

Natasha: Should we tell him, dollink?

Fearless Leader: Why not? This little rodent can't stop us. What we are planning to do is execute you, Squirrel.

Rocky: You're not going to get away with this!

Natasha: What are do going to do about it? You're still stuck in our trap.

Rocky: I thought it was one of Bullwinkle's abstract paintings.

Fearless Leader: Which one? "A Man eating a Sandwich in a White Room and leaves"? "A Polar Bear in a Blizzard"?

Rocky: Maybe it was "A White Washed Wall of a Chicken Coop".

They laugh about Bullwinkle's blank paintings from the "Painting Theft" episodes.

Natasha: His works all look the same to me...

Narrator: So does the works of Jackson Plop.

* * *

Narrator: Rocky will be glad to know that Bullwinkle is safe from Boris Badenov.

Boris: Not for long. Hahahahahaha! They cannot see me because I am an expert in espionage.

Edgar: What's Boris Badenov doing up there?

Boris: Raskolnikov! I have been spotted!

Narrator: In a frantic dash to conceal his location, he inadvertently slips and falls of the cliff into the Pottsylvania Sea below.

*splash*

Boris emerges to the surface for air.

Boris: It's a good thing I can swim.

He encounters an electric eel.

Boris: Can you point out how to get to Central Control? Oh, I forgot. You are a stupid fish that doesn't have arms! Hahah-

The eel zaps him.

*zap*

Boris: Owch!

* * *

Narrator: Bullwinkle still has the mysterious treasure chest that he previously found in a well.

Bullwinkle: I've gotta show the weird glowy stuff in the box to my pal Rocky. Can you guys help me out?

Chauncey: Help you? We saved ya twice already! First the well fiasco, and now this.

Bullwinkle: If you guys help out, you'll be featured more in the story.

Edgar: He's got a good point there.

Chauncey: Right! Let's help him out!

Edgar: Because we're his friends?

Chauncey: Nah. Because we're gonna get more screen time!

* * *

Narrator: And so the star struck secondary characters lead our heroic moose to the Central Control headquarters. They row their boat to the shoreline behind the headquarters so he can sneak in.

Bullwinkle: Before I go in there, could you explain why you have a boat all of a sudden?

Edgar: I thought we were supposed to be the reporters.

Chauncey: We borrowed the boat from Captain Peachfuzz after we helped him repair it. He said that you guys sailed in the Bermuda Triangle with him, and it crashed against a pointy rock.

Bullwinkle: We sure got the point of that voyage.

Chauncey: Please don't make us throw you overboard.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the horrible headquarters, Rocky is still held captive by the evil doers.

Fearless Leader: I'm sorry, Squirrel, but you know too much of my secret master plan.

Rocky: But I don't know what your secret master plan is.

Fearless Leader: You don't? Then I will tell you!

Rocky: I thought usually bad guys wait until they try to get rid of the good guy.

Fearless Leader: But that it what I am going to do!

Narrator: He takes the friendly squirrel out to a courtyard, and there is a hooded man holding an axe.

Fearless Leader: Friendly Squirrel is going to be a friendly ghost in a minute.

Narrator: What's your evil plan now, you fiend?

Fearless Leader: This time I was inspired by the Mr. Peabody episode about the Headless Horseman.

Narrator: You don't mean...

Fearless Leader: Jawohl. Say hello to the official Pottsylvanian Head Chopper!

Rocky: Um, hi...

Narrator: Oh, no! It turns out that the arch villain was "inspired" by the previous Peabody episode, in that he's planning to make our hero lose their heads. Will our plucky squirrel escape this head rattling predicament? Stay tuned for "March to the Scaffold" or "Don't Lose your Head"-

A creature covered in seaweed slowly shambles towards them.

Sea Monster: *bubbles unintelligibly*

Fearless Leader: Yberraschung! What in the name of Pottsylvania is that?

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: Well, this is very unexpected! Apparently a creepy kelp covered creature has crawled into the courtyard. But why is this thing thing here? Is it trying to save the squirrel, or is it yet another spooky occurrence? All right, also stay tuned for "Beware of Hitchhiking Sea Monsters?" or "Sea for Two".


	21. Sea for Two

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**Beware of Hitchhiking Sea Monsters? Or Sea for Two**

Narrator: For his latest evil scheme, Fearless Leader was inspired by the previous Mr. Peabody episode. The episode in question was about Washington Irving's famous story, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow", which of course involved the Headless Horseman. Considering the way that he interpreted it, with the Official Pottsylvanian Head Chopper available, our friend Rocky may lose his head over this peril!

Fearless Leader: I would have decided on a cannonball, like in the novel, but then I remembered Boris used a cannon to light the candles on his birthday cake, and it was a quite messy experience ... Squirrel, are you listening to me?

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! There's a sea monster heading right for us!

Fearless Leader: A Seeungeheuer? Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: The Official Pottsylvanian Head Chopper runs off somewhere, and our hero and villain are scared as well. Fearless Leader hurriedly scampers under the scaffold. Rocky just stands there in shock.

The unidentified sea monster tries to untangle itself.

Narrator: Wait a minute! The kelp covered creature is shedding its seaweed. The sea monster or Sea Plunger-

Fearless Leader: Seeungeheuer.

Narrator: -Whatever it's called is actually...

A crab pinches the creature on the nose.

Kelp Monster: Raskolnikov!

Narrator: ...Boris Badenov?

Boris: Yeah. I got stuck in some seaweed.

Narrator: Well, the entangled evil doer certainly scared all of us.

Boris's boss cautiously climbs out from under the scaffold and dusts himself off.

Fearless Leader: Except me of course. After all, I am Fearless Leader.

Rocky: You looked kind of scared...

Fearless Leader: I did not!

Rocky: Did so.

Fearless Leader: Did not!

Rocky: Did so.

Fearless Leader: Did not!

Rocky: Did s-

Narrator: Can you please stop your silly bickering?

Rocky and Fearless Leader: We're sorry.

Rocky: Admit it, Fearless Leader. You were just as scared as I was.

Fearless Leader: What are you going to do about it?

Rocky: I'll tell Boris and Natasha that you were actually scared of something. Then they'll try to usurp you like they almost did in the "Missouri Mish Mash" episodes.

Fearless Leader: Will five dollars patch up our argument, Squirrel?

Boris is distracted from untangling the seaweed.

Boris: Ooh, a fiver! Can I have one, boss?

Fearless Leader: Nein!

Boris: You'll gimme nine bucks? Oh, you are so generous!

Fearless Leader: I meant no.

Boris: Aw, phooey...

Rocky: Sorry, but five dollars won't cut it.

Fearless Leader: Really? Is there anything that will change your mind?

Rocky: You could not give me the axe.

Fearless Leader: Er, no-

Boris: Did I hear something about usurping?

Fearless Leader: -okay, fine. You win... and you drive a hard bargain.

Rocky: Hooray!

Fearless Leader: Don't rub it in!

* * *

Narrator: After driving a hard bargain, Fearless Leader orders Boris to drive Rocky out of the Central Control courtyard.

Fearless Leader: I have to order Boris around. It distracts him from trying to usurp me again. The thought of Boris running Pottsylvania is scary.

Narrator: Of course the strange happenings in Pottsylvania are scary, too. While Fearless Leader and his preoccupied peons know that they are actually a result of a new secret formula, known as Ectoplasmium, Rocky and his friends are clueless. To keep it that way Boris shoves Rocky out of the courtyard to keep him from looking for clues.

Boris: And stay out!

He goes back in the courtyard perimeter to talk to his boss.

Boris: Can I usurp you?

Fearless Leader: Nein.

Boris: I can rule Pottsylvania with an iron fist for nine years? Oh, you are so g-

Fearless Leader: No, you bubblehead!

Narrator: Of course our heroic squirrel isn't going to be scared off by a bunch of baddies.

Rocky: I've got to find Bullwinkle and solve this mystery.

* * *

Narrator: In the spooky building, a sinister spy emerges from the front door entrance of the premises.

Natasha: You have a way with words, dollink.

Narrator: Oh, so it's you, Natasha. What sneaky shenanigans are you up to?

Natasha: Fearless Leader sent me on an important sabotage mission.

Narrator: In his own hideout? What a weirdo.

Natasha: Nyet. He told me to set up something to scare off Moose and Squirrel. And with the secret formula, it should be frighteningly easy. In fact, what I set up for him will light up his life!

Narrator: Pretty sneaky, sis.

Natasha: You're the one who is a weirdo. Since when was I your sister?

Narrator: Never mind...

* * *

Narrator: Bullwinkle is just about to sneak in the Central Control building. Surprisingly the back door entrance, which is usually occupied by ominous guards, is empty. Like the moose's head.

Bullwinkle: I was hoping there would be a welcoming party.

Narrator: I highly doubt the Pottsylvanian guards would have been welcoming. After entering the suspiciously unguarded stronghold, Bullwinkle wanders aimlessly throughout Fearless Leader's fiendish abode.

Bullwinkle: I can't see a thing in here...

Narrator: He lights up a nearby candle in one of the walls, and it is revealed that he is in the haunted art gallery. But the candle suddenly floats up in the air!

Bullwinkle: Jumpin' G Horsefat!

Narrator: I'm sure even our heroic moose is frightened by the haunted floating object.

Bullwinkle: That candle is a potential fire hazard.

Narrator: If you say so.

Bullwinkle: I know so! I'm Mr. Know it All, and I know when there's a potential fire hazard.

Narrator: Let me guess. An unexpected Mr. Know it All lesson?

Bullwinkle: Yep. One of my various jobs as Mr. Know it All is a fireman. And now I'm gonna explain "How to Know Fire Safety so you don't get Fired".

Narrator: Oh, brother...

Bullwinkle: I didn't know you have siblings. Now the most important step is to stop, drop, and roll.

He rolls on the ground and inadvertently rolls down a staircase.

Narrator: While he is explaining this unexpected Mr. Know it All lesson, the haunted candle just floats there. Apparently even inanimate objects get confused by Mr. Know it All's antics.

Bullwinkle: Of course, the easiest way to deal with fire is douse it with some water.

Narrator: He dumps a bucket of water over the candle and it is extinguished. However, it splashes onto a nearby painting, which is a portrait of an unidentified Pottsylvanian historical figure. Most likely a spy or criminal.

Haunted Painting: Schweinhund!

Bullwinkle: You know you need improvement when your painting criticizes itself.

Just as he leaves the gallery, he stares at the portrait.

Bullwinkle: And check out the ugly monocle on that thing. Yeesh!

* * *

Narrator: Let's take a closer look behind the "haunted portrait", shall we?

There is a secret room behind the portrait. Fearless Leader is looking through holes in the portrait's eyes, and he is standing on top of Boris.

Fearless Leader: Since when was Moose an art critic?

Narrator: Surprisingly Boris and Fearless Leader are hiding behind the painting.

Boris: Are you offended about the monocle comment, boss?

Fearless Leader: Nein.

Boris: The fact that he insulted one of your relatives?

Fearless Leader: Nein! I've got water in my eye thanks to that dummkopf "Mr. Know it All".

Narrator: Wait a minute, you sent Natasha to set up the candle to scare Bullwinkle, didn't you? That's what she meant by "light up his life". And I bet that isn't the only trick up your sleeve...

Fearless Leader: That's right! I have other traps set up for Moose as well. And since he's the stupider one of the duo, this should be a piece of Pottsylvanian cheesecake.

Boris: You're making me hungry.

Fearless Leader: Stop complaining about trivial matters like food.

Boris: Of course it would be trivial to you. You're a stick!

Narrator: You seem crabbier than usual tonight, Boris.

Boris: Of course I'm crabby. I fell into the ocean, got zapped by an electric eel, pinched by crabs, and stuck in seaweed! And to top things off, my boss is standing on top of me to spy on Moose.

Fearless Leader: I thought you would be used to the corporate ladder, Badenov.

Boris: This corporate ladder stuff is bad enough. Oh, well, at least you're not heavy...

Narrator: Fearless Leader might not be heavy, but his spooky secret formula sure is. Will Bullwinkle persevere through this Pottsylvanian death trap and help Rocky solve the mystery? Be sure to stay tuned for "On Top of Things" or "Trick or Trap".


	22. Trick Or Trap

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**On Top of Things or Trick Or Trap**

Narrator: When we last saw our heroes, Rocky was almost done for when a short sea monster showed up.

Fearless Leader: It was really Boris Badenov. He was stuck in seaweed...

Boris: Hahahahahaha! I really scared you and Squirrel, boss.

Fearless Leader: Did not!

Boris: Did so!

Fearless Leader: Did not!

Boris: Did s-

Narrator: Please stop arguing so we can continue. Now apologize like good little evil doers.

Fearless Leader and Boris: We're sorry...

Narrator: That's better. Now you may be wondering why Boris would get entangled in seaweed.

Fearless Leader: He isn't exactly the brightest lighthouse on the sea.

Boris: I resent that!

Narrator: Previously, Bullwinkle found a treasure chest in a well that contains a secret formula called Ectoplasmium, which is actually why the strange occurrences have been happening. But Bullwinkle and Rocky don't know this yet. So Boris tried to get the box back before they could figure it out, but he fell in the Pottsylvanian waters, got zapped by eels, pinched by crabs, and, yes, he also got entangled in seaweed.

Fearless Leader: As you can tell, Boris failed miserably.

Boris: I resent that, too.

Narrator: The creeps are spying on Bullwinkle, our mystery solving moose, by hiding behind a portrait. To fit in this enclosed secret space, Fearless Leader is standing on top of Boris, and looking through eye-holes in the painting. Or in Fearless Leader's case, a monocle hole.

Fearless Leader: If you say one more thing about my monocle, Mr. Narrator, I will foresee you being shot at in the future.

Boris: Do you have ESP, boss?

Fearless Leader: Shut up, Badenov!

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Rocky is sneaking back into Central Control. Hopefully he won't run into any traps like Bullwinkle did in the previous episode.

Rocky: I knew he would run into something... what do I have to rescue him from this time?

Narrator: A haunted candlestick.

Rocky: A _what_?

Narrator: You heard me. A possessed, floating candlestick. Luckily it didn't get him, though. You missed out on a very informative Mr. Know it All episode about fire safety.

Rocky: That's unfortunate.

Narrator: If you say so. During the search, Rocky wanders around and runs into a big, scary...

Bullwinkle: Hi there, Rocky!

Narrator: ...Moose?

Bullwinkle: Mr. Narrator, my name is Bullwinkle. Not Moose.

Narrator: I know. After all, I am the Narrator.

Rocky: I've been looking everywhere for you, Bullwinkle. Where were you?

Narrator: Bullwinkle explains the odd ordeal to his friend.

Bullwinkle: ...And that's how to ensure fire safety, explained by yours truly, Mr. Know it All.

Narrator: I _said, _"Bullwinkle explains the odd ordeal to his friend".

Bullwinkle: What? A free Mr. Know it All explanation is a pretty good deal if you ask me.

Narrator: Tell him what happened since you got stuck in the well.

Bullwinkle: Oh, okay. Sorry about that.

* * *

Narrator: After telling Rocky all about the mysterious contents of the treasure chest-

Bullwinkle: Are you sure this thing isn't really the Chest of Demons?

Narrator: -Yes, I'm sure. Rocky comes up with a rather good idea, in that our brave heroes will keep it away from the clutches of the devilish Pottsylvanian spies in any way possible.

Bullwinkle: I thought we were gonna go back to Frostbite Falls and decorate our house with this neat glow in the dark stuff.

Rocky: We can't go back now. I think I've almost solved the mystery.

Bullwinkle: Sure we can. The creepy message on the wall over there said so.

Rocky: Creepy message?

Narrator: The mystery solving moose points out a creepy, cryptic message scrawled on the wall to his friend. The writing is in an unsettling blood red colour.

Rocky: It says, "Go away, Moose and Squirrel, or we keel you". This is really creepy...

Bullwinkle: I hope this blood red stuff isn't what I think it is.

Bullwinkle scratches off some of the red substance and tastes it.

Bullwinkle: It's mooseberry juice!

Rocky: Phew, that's a relief.

Bullwinkle: A relief_?_! What are you talking about? Some cruel, heartless lout wasted a bunch of really delicious mooseberries! Oh, the humanity!

* * *

Narrator: I think I've solved this mystery. Natasha, did the "cruel, heartless lout" happen to be you?

She is setting up another trap for Rocky and Bullwinkle, but it is hidden from view, and top secret.

Natasha: What did I do, dollink?

Narrator: You know very well what you did. If this wasn't Pottsylvania, you would be arrested for that terrible deed.

Natasha: Did Moose fall for the haunted candle death trap that I set up?

Narrator: No. You would be arrested for defacing private property. To be specific, scribbling on the walls of Central Control.

Natasha: I didn't write anything on the walls.

Narrator: Well, someone did. If it wasn't you, maybe it was-

Natasha: I will go tell Fearless Leader and Boris about this.

Narrator: And so the sneaky spy goes back into the building to inform her accomplices of the possibly haunted presence of an actual Pottsylvanian Poltergeist. She wanders through the art gallery.

Natasha: Boris? Fearless Leader? Where are you?

Boris: Here we are, Natasha!

Fearless Leader: Fatale, have you disposed of Moose yet?

Natasha: Hokey Smoke! The paintings in this gallery are haunted, too!

Fearless Leader: Natasha, you can be as stupid as Boris sometimes. We're _behind _the painting.

Narrator: Natasha finds the latch on the picture frame, and opens it like a door. Boris and Fearless Leader are still in the enclosed space used to spy on our heroic moose. The two person tower topples over, and they fall out of the secret spot.

Boris and Fearless Leader: Oof!

Boris: We were really on top of things earlier. Haha, get it, boss?

Natasha: At least Boris wasn't standing on Fearless Leader.

Fearless Leader: If he was, Badenov would soon be dead weight. Heheh, get it, lackey?

Boris: I'll shut up.

Narrator: Then Natasha explains the strange occurrence to them.

Fearless Leader: What_?_! Who would do such a thing to Pottsylvanian property? Not to mention that it's _my _property...

Boris: What, the warning to Moose and Squirrel? Yeah, that was me. Hehheh.

Narrator: Well, it seems that the "ghost" has been busted.

Fearless Leader: Oh, he's going to be busted all right.

Boris: I can explain, boss! I was just settink up a trick to scare Moose and Squirrel. You know, to get into the spirit of Halloween.

Fearless Leader: You defaced my private property! Not only that, but you stole mooseberries from the Pottsylvanian Botanical Gardens. Badenov, I am going to shoot you for this- wait a minute... Badenov, that's brilliant!

Boris: It is?

Fearless Leader: Indeed. What we will do is...

Narrator: They discuss their new plot to cover up the Ectoplasmium formula by, of course, getting rid of our heroic moose and squirrel-

Natasha: This is a top secret meeting, narrator dollink.

Fearless Leader: Yes, and even though I won't shoot Badenov, for now, I can very well shoot you instead.

Narrator: You drive a hard bargain. I'd say the idea is worth a shot-

Boris: Just leave and shaddup your mouth!

* * *

Narrator: Boris can be very rude sometimes. So it makes sense that Fearless Leader's latest "kill Moose and Squirrel" scene involves the mischievous minion pulling a trick on our heroes.

Natasha: And we're not givink them any treats.

Narrator: But the prank in question isn't exactly in good jest...

Boris: No, but I can steal the treasure chest!

Fearless Leader: And you better steal it, or else!

Boris: Or else what?

Fearless Leader: Heads will roll. Mainly yours.

Boris: *gulps* y-y-yes, uh, a-anything you say, boss.

Narrator: The top secret plan involves a slightly early "Halloween party" held at Central Control.

Fearless Leader: I will send the invitations to Moose und Squirrel via a Pottsylvanian carrier pigeon.

He writes down a message, and gives the letter to a vulture.

Natasha: Don't you mean a buzzard?

Fearless Leader: Yes, but Pottsylvanian carrier pigeon sounds more professional.

Narrator: I have no idea why you need professionalism for an event where you end up bobbing for apples.

Boris: Only they're not your ordinary apples! They're poisoned apples.

Boris: I almost keeled Moose with explosive apples in "Louse on 92nd Street".

Natasha: Explosive apples seem more dangerous.

Boris: Yeah, but Moose is still alive and in this show.

Narrator: Will our heroes be gullible enough to fall for this dastardly trick? Stay tuned for "Haunted House on 92nd Street" or "Bobbing for Poison Apples".


	23. Haunted House on 92nd Street

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**Haunted House on 92nd Street or Bobbing for Poison Apples  
**

Narrator: Well, it seems the trio of terribly rotten bad apples are setting up a trap involving, you guessed it, rotten apples.

Natasha: Poisoned apples to be exact.

Fearless Leader: Moose and Squirrel won't know what hit 'em.

Natasha: We're going to throw the apples at Moose and Squirrel?

Fearless Leader: We went over the plan already, Fatale. Fritz, my pet Pottsylvanian carrier pigeon, will send a letter to Moose und Squirrel, the gullible nitwits will accept the invitation, they will obliviously follow the directions to this room in Central Control, and then finally you and Badenov will kill them by making them bob for the poisoned apples.

Natasha: What will you be up to in this plan, dollink?

Fearless Leader: I am going to find that good for nothing Pottsylvanian Head Chopper! He failed to give Squirrel the axe. When I find him, heads will roll!

Boris: And you wonder where Natasha and I get our puns.

Narrator: Now I know.

* * *

Narrator: The villains are setting this up because Bullwinkle discovered their secret stash of a new secret formula known as Ectoplasmium. Since it's a secret, and Bullwinkle isn't exactly the brightest Jack-O-Lantern in the pumpkin patch, he doesn't know what the glowing substance is.

Bullwinkle: Uh, Mr. Narrator, I'm not a Jack-O-Lantern.

Narrator: See what I mean?

Rocky: We were looking for clues, but everything just doesn't add up...

Narrator: Something else is going to be added to our heroes' confusing search for clues. While searching for clues outside the building, near a creepy forest similar to the woods from a while ago, a menacing bird flies over them, and he is carrying a message.

Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky, check out the carrier pigeon.

Rocky: That's not a carrier pigeon. That is a buzzard!

The vulture swoops down on them.

Rocky: Duck!

Bullwinkle: I thought you said it was a buzzard.

Narrator: See what I mean?

Bullwinkle: I didn't learn this stuff in Wossamotta U.

Rocky: You barely learned _anything_ in Wossamotta U.

Narrator: The spooked squirrel helps Bullwinkle duck to evade the swooping buzzard.

Bullwinkle: That bird must be on the fritz!

The bird lands on a tree branch. Rocky notices a note and reads it.

Rocky: His name really is Fritz.

Bullwinkle: Makes sense to me. So what does the note say, Rocky?

Rocky: The note says, "Dear Moose and Squirrel; I have been informed of your presence in my wonderful country of Pottsylvania. I'm _ever_ so grateful that you got here to help get rid the countryside of the Pottsylvanian Poltergeist. Therefore, I will apologize for attempting to make Squirrel lose his head by inviting you to Central Control for some free Halloween candy. You'll find it on 92nd street. Some Pottsylvanian accomplices will host this occasion for me as I have important business to attend to. Yours truly, Fearless Leader."

Rocky is reasonably confused about this.

Rocky: ...Did Fearless Leader just send us an invitation to a Halloween party?

Bullwinkle: Let's take a taxi.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, this is obviously a lure for us to get scammed, robbed, or even killed! Or as as Boris Badenov would say, "keeled".

Bullwinkle: But his signature is right there.

Narrator: He's right. Not only is his signature scrawled on the note, but there is also his insignia, which is a skull and crossbones.

Rocky: Yeah, but he's also a double crosser.

Bullwinkle: It seems legit to me. He even sent a friendly carrier pigeon.

Bullwinkle attempts to pet the bird.

Fritz the Pottsylvanian vulture: *hisses*

Bullwinkle: Aww, I think the little critter likes us.

* * *

Narrator: At Central Control, Boris is setting up the pièce de résistance of his spooky stunt.

Boris dunks the poison apples into a tub filled with water.

Boris: This will be the last Halloween party Moose and Squirrel will ever attend, that's for sure! Hahahahahaha!

Natasha is on the lookout for Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Natasha: They have fallen for the bait, Boris dollink.

Boris: What a bunch of birdbrains.

Fearless Leader: You're not much better, Badenov.

Natasha: Back so soon, dollink?

Fearless Leader: Yes. I was going to fire the Official Pottsylvanian Head Chopper. But then I realized that it is stupid to make a man that carries an axe everywhere angry. So did Moose and Squirrel get the message?

Boris: Well, according to Natasha, they're heading right this way! I guess they met up with your pet carrier pigeon. Or should I say carrion pigeon?

Fearless Leader: Leave your stupid puns for later. Now you must kill Moose and Squirrel before they learn of the Ectoplasmium formula. And I'll be spying on you, so you had better get it right this time.

Boris: Sure thing, boss. I cannot possibly fail this time. Why, I will do such a great job that even my hero, the notorious mobster Fingers Scarnose, would be very impressed.

Natasha: When have I heard that before?

Boris: Shaddup your mouth!

* * *

Narrator: Bullwinkle dragged his friend Rocky to the suspicious festivities.

The front door of the building creaks open by itself.

Bullwinkle: How convenient.

Rocky: And creepy.

There is no one in the main hallway.

Bullwinkle: I know how we can get some service here. You have to be really polite and subtle.

He yells as loud as he possibly can.

Bullwinkle: Hello_?_! Anybody home_?_!

Boris: Welcome, foolish mortals...

Boris shows up on cue. For a Halloween costume, he is dressed up as a ghost. He even has glow in the dark paint to look ectoplasmic.

Rocky: You look and sound familiar.

Boris: Yeah, I get that a lot. Especially from you.

Rocky: So we have met before-

Boris: Uh, wait, no we didn't! I am actually one of the guests invited to the Halloween party. I'll show you around.

Natasha is waiting for them. She is dressed up as a typical witch, complete with a pointed hat and a broom.

Natasha: Hello, dollinks.

Narrator: To start the festivities, Boris and Natasha lead our heroes to their potential doom. In this case it's a tub full of reddish-purple fruit.

Boris: All right, now we're going to bob for apples.

Rocky: Those apples look kind of...

Boris: *snickers* Rotten?

Rocky: Yeah.

Bullwinkle: I'm sure they're fine. You know the saying. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Boris: In this case, you'll be begging for one...

Rocky: What?

Boris: Uh, nothing.

Bullwinkle: Ooh, I'll go first!

Natasha: You'll be our first victim, um, volunteer, Moose?

Bullwinkle: Sure will.

Boris: I'm assuming you have one planned.

Bullwinkle: Huh?

Boris shoves him to the apple tub.

Boris: Just bob for apples, stupid.

Bullwinkle: Okay then.

He dunks his head into the tub.

Boris: *whispers to Natasha* Moose is a goner for sure.

They wait for several minutes.

Boris: Any second now, Moose is dead Moose.

Then they wait for well over an hour. Boris is significantly annoyed.

Bullwinkle: Gosh. I can't seem to catch anything in here.

Boris: How can you possibly be that clumsy? I put dozens of "treats" in there!

Bullwinkle: Oof! Now my antlers are stuck... help?

Boris: Natasha, help out that dummy Moose, will you?

Natasha: Fine, dollink.

Narrator: Natasha gets Bullwinkle unstuck from the apple container. Then the clumsy moose inadvertently kisses her.

Natasha: Augh! Boris, now I have Moose germs!

Rocky: Hey! You two are really Boris and Natasha!

Boris: Natasha, you blew our cover!

Natasha: Sorry, Boris, but Moose really needs a few breath mints.

Bullwinkle: I resent that.

Rocky: What have you crooks been up to?

Boris: Trying to keel you with poisoned apples, and get rich with a secret formula. What else?

Natasha: And you think _I'm_ blowing our cover?

Rocky: I knew that treasure chest we found was something sinister.

Narrator: As soon as Fearless Leader hears of our heroes' most important clue, he appears from a concealed secret passageway for spying on them.

Fearless Leader: Treasure chest?

Bullwinkle: Yep. I left it outside at the front door.

Fearless Leader: You have found our stash of the secret formula! Get them!

Narrator: The mystery solvers bravely bolt out the front door and snatch up the secret stash.

Fearless Leader: Moose and Squirrel are getting away again! I will have Fingers Scarnose throw you dead weights in the river as soon as he gets out of prison!

Natasha: Before we pursue Moose and Squirrel, Boris and I have something to important to ask. How did we do, Fearless Leader dollink?

Fearless Leader: You should very well know the answer. It's obvious.

Boris: Really? What?

Fearless Leader: _Rotten_.

* * *

Narrator: And so they run as fast as they can while lugging the treasure chest with them down a trail. The forest path leads to a graveyard.

Rocky: We'll have to run across in order to get to the other side.

Bullwinkle: Rocky, this is no time for "why did the chicken cross the road" jokes.

Narrator: Will our heroes brave the creepy cemetery? Stay tuned for "Six Feet Blunder" or "The Longest Graveyard".


	24. The Longest Graveyard

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**Six Feet Blunder or The Longest Graveyard  
**

Narrator: After running on a trail surrounded by a creepy forest, our heroes found an even creepier cemetery. To make matters worse, they'll have to run through it or they'll be surrounded by the terrible trio of evil spies.

Rocky: We'll have to cross on over to the other side.

Bullwinkle: I hope you don't mean the other side that I'm thinking of.

Rocky: Don't be scared, Bullwinkle. Running through a place with dead bad guys is better than being captured by alive ones.

Bullwinkle: Gosh. You're such a brave friend.

Narrator: Rocky was a bit frightened duding the sea monster encounter a few segments ago.

Bullwinkle: You saw a sea monster, Rocky?

Rocky: Kind of. The sea monster was really Boris Badenov. He was stuck in seaweed.

Bullwinkle: Did he call you a meddling Squirrel?

Rocky: No.

Narrator: With that mystery solved, they'll have to solve another one. The mystery of the Pottsylvania Poltergeist.

Bullwinkle: Let's get to the bottom of this mystery!

Boris Badenov is sitting on top of the front gate. He is still in his ghost Halloween disguise.

Boris: As opposed to the bottom of a grave.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! It's Boris Badenov!

Boris: Hahahahaahaha! You are correct, meddling Squirrel. I may be sitting on the fence, but that doesn't mean I'm on the fence about keeling you.

Rocky: Let's run for it!

* * *

Narrator: Our heroes run and hide from Boris Badenov in an overgrown thicket.

Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky, look what I found!

Rocky: Boris Badenov?

Bullwinkle: Nope. I found a little hooter.

A barred owl perched on a nearby tree branch is staring at him.

Bullwinkle: Why, hello there, Mr. Owl.

Owl: Hoooooooooo.

Bullwinkle: My name is Bullwinkle J. Moose.

Owl: Hooooooooooo.

Bullwinkle: Uh, I said my name is Bullwinkle. You really need your hearing checked.

Owl: ...Hoo hoot hoo-hoo.

The owl flies away from him.

Bullwinkle: Hmm... not exactly what I'd call a good conversationalist.

* * *

Narrator: While Boris is searching for the moose and squirrel, the owl lands on a tree branch above him. He shines his flashlight on the nocturnal bird.

Boris: Hey, it is an owl.

Owl: Hooooooooooo.

Boris: I'm Boris Badenov. Now where is Moose and Squirrel?

Owl: Hooooooooooo.

Boris: My name is Boris. Look, Mr. Owl-

The owl continuously stares at him.

Boris: -not literally! You've gotta tell me where those secret formula snatchers are. Fearless Leader said he would get Fingers Scarnose to throw me in the river.

Owl: Hoot hoo hoot hoo-hoo.

Boris: You know, Meester Owl, I'm thinking you don't really give a hoot.

Owl: Hoot.

Boris: That does it! I've had enough of talking to you, you birdbrain!

Owl: *screeches*

Boris: Yikes!

Narrator: Terrified by the smart little owl's sudden outburst, he leaves the owl alone and continues his search.

Boris: I am dying to meet you, Moose and Squirrel! Where are you_?_!

Natasha is wandering through the graveyard as well.

Natasha: Hello, Boris dollink. I have not seen them either.

Boris: We'll have to keep looking.

* * *

Narrator: They continue their pursuit together. Surprisingly, our gullible heroes prove to be difficult to find. Even _I_ can't spot them, and I'm the narrator.

Rocky: Thank goodness we haven't been caught with the secret formula. We'll have to figure out how to get out of this place.

Narrator: Rocky? I can't see you or your friend anywhere in here.

Rocky: Look up.

Bullwinkle: Look way up!

Narrator: All right, I'll look up... oh, I get it.

Rocky and Bullwinkle are up a tall tree.

Narrator: That's pretty clever. I wonder which one of you geniuses thought of this idea.

Bullwinkle: I bet ya think it was my idea, right? After all, I'm Mr. Know it All.

Narrator: No. I was kidding. This was obviously Rocky's idea.

Bullwinkle appears dejected.

Bullwinkle: Oh, okay...

* * *

Narrator: Let's check on the evil doers' progress in their search.

Boris: ...and then Fearless Leader was so frightened that he crawled and heed under the scaffold!

Natasha: Are you sure the boss won't be mad at you for telling me this?

Boris: Nah. He'll probably never find out.

Fearless Leader appears from behind a tombstone.

Fearless Leader: Oh, but I have.

Boris: Fearless Leader_?_!

Fearless Leader: Yes, and I demand you to immediately stop spreading those slanderous lies!

Boris: All right. I was already almost feenished telling her. To make a long story short, Natasha, you should have seen how scared our boss was of my "sea monster" getup.

Fearless Leader: Shut up or I'll send you to Bubbleland!

Boris: That place sounds familiar for some reason.

* * *

Narrator: Rocky, you and Bullwinkle should try to escape soon. All three of the no-goodniks are on your tails.

They are still up the tree. Rocky is pointing at various locations on a drawn out map.

Rocky: We're trying to come up with a plan to get out of this creepy place without being spotted.

Narrator: Your plans look suspiciously like plans devised for an American football game.

Bullwinkle immediately starts waving a flag with the Wossamotta U logo.

Bullwinkle: Go Wossamotta U!

Rocky: We're not at the college. We're in a graveyard.

Bullwinkle: I know. But I've gotta show some team spirit.

* * *

Narrator: After devising an escape manoeuvre, Rocky and Bullwinkle climb down the tree and run for the exit on the other side... of the cemetery.

Fearless Leader: There they are! Badenov, Fatale, I order you to go after them. Mach schnell!

Natasha: What?

Boris: I don't know what he's talking about either, but it's probably a threat. Let's go!

They hurriedly run after the moose and squirrel.

Fearless Leader: Heheh, those two are so scared of me that they think _everything_ I say is a threat.

* * *

Narrator: Running through this place while being careful not to disturb anything, not to mention lugging the secret formula around, is a bit difficult, but luckily they're still ahead of the spies.

Bullwinkle: Throw the ball to me, Rocky! I'm open!

Rocky: What ball?

Bullwinkle: Oh, sorry. I was thinking of football because of that map.

Rocky: Again?

Bullwinkle: Yeah.

Narrator: Despite Bullwinkle's delusions, they're almost at the exit gate.

Bullwinkle: ...And the Wossamotta U quarterback makes a run for the goal!

Rocky: Do you really have to do a play by play?

Narrator: Fortunately they make it across to a safer spot. But they're still not exactly invited guests.

Boris and Natasha run outside the cemetery as well.

Natasha: You look tired, dollink.

Boris: Phew. Yeah, I guess so.

Fearless Leader walks out instead.

Fearless Leader: Are you perhaps dead tired?

Boris: Fearless Leader, why didn't you help us out? I know you're skinnier than me, but you could use the exercise.

Fearless Leader: Never mind that. Moose und Squirrel are right over there with the Ectoplasmium formula! Go steal it back.

Rocky and Bullwinkle are heading down a trail. Bullwinkle is carrying the treasure chest filled with Ectoplasmium.

Bullwinkle: We made it?

Rocky: Yeah.

Bullwinkle: That means, I, the quarterback made a-

Boris stops them in their tracks.

Boris: You are in possession of Pottsylvanian property!

Rocky: You interrupted what Bullwinkle was going to say.

Boris: All right. What was stupid Moose going to say?

Bullwinkle slams the heavy treasure chest on Boris's head.

Bullwinkle: Touchdown!

Rocky: Now that you got your touchdown, let's get out of here!

Narrator: Now that they stalled for time, our boys will have to get away as fast as they can. Will Rocky and Bullwinkle be able to escape unscathed with the ghastly secret formula? Stay tuned for "The Quick and the Dread" or "Rest in Pieces".


	25. The Quick and the Dread

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**The Quick and the Dread or Rest in Pieces  
**

Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle have escaped from the terrible trio in a noticeably large and creepy Pottsylvanian cemetery.

Bullwinkle: No kidding. It's no wonder that one of the previous titles was called "The Longest Graveyard"!

Narrator: This frantic yet reasonably careful chase was caused by our heroes obtaining a spooky secret formula known as Ectoplasmium.

Natasha: I guess the Ectoplasmium isn't exactly a secret anymore now that Moose and Squirrel have it.

Boris: And when word gets out, especially from that blabbermouth Moose, no one will fall for our scam about the Pottsylvanian Poltergeist.

Fearless Leader: That is why you and Natasha need to steal it back.

Boris: Why me? Go get it yourself!

Fearless Leader: If you weren't already suffering from a misfortune, I'd shoot you for that.

Narrator: In an attempt to catch the Moose and Squirrel, Boris was foiled when Bullwinkle unwittingly used his head as a football for a good old fashioned Wossamotta U touchdown.

Narrator: Natasha and Fearless Leader help Boris get out of a hole that he got into caused by the "touchdown".

Fearless Leader: Now that Natasha and I got your hapless snivelling self out of the hole, get back to work by killing Moose und Squirrel.

Boris: Yes, boss.

* * *

Narrator: During the chase, Bullwinkle signals for a time out.

Bullwinkle: Stop! Sanctuary!

Boris: Huh? Why?

Bullwinkle: I've gotta tie my shoe laces.

Boris: Oh, all right... wait a minute, you don't even have shoes!

Bullwinkle: Uh, I guess I could find any size 22's.

Rocky: I don't think he'll fall for that, Bullwinkle. Let's just run for it while we can.

* * *

Boris looks for his comrades for reinforcements.

Natasha: So how did you think of the poisoned apples idea earlier, dollink?

Fearless Leader: Well, I sold lemonade as a kid. Of course I made sure to taint the glasses with cyanide.

Boris: Hey, boss! We've gotta focus on keeling Moose and Squirrel!

Fearless Leader: Didn't you "keel" them already? I gave you plenty of extra time to do the job.

Boris: Moose messed up my plans.

Fearless Leader: You fell for something set up by _Moose_? Badenov, you must have the IQ of an empty pumpkin.

Natasha: You don't mean...?

Fearless Leader: That's right, Natasha. Boris is out of his gourd.

* * *

Narrator: Our villain's next death trap for our heroes is...

Fearless Leader: Doing nothing.

Narrator: The terrible trio's next death trap is the terrifying, despicable criminal act that is doing nothing- wait, what_?_! Doing nothing doesn't sound like you folks at all!

Natasha: You have heard the man, narrator dollink.

Boris: We are doing nothing, nothing!

Fearless Leader: The Ectoplasmium formula will do all of the work for us.

Narrator: So basically you're all going to wait around for the Ectoplasmium to do them in.

Boris: Just like the two kids who wait around in the pumpkin patch every year.

Narrator: Oh, all right... at least it isn't likely to work-

Boris: Shut up your mouth!

* * *

Narrator: After wander aimlessly in an attempt to find a way out of Pottsylvania, our heroes just so happen to stumble across a small shack in the forest.

Bullwinkle: Gosh. This place looks like a witch's hut.

Rocky: Yeah. It's kind of creepy.

Narrator: They go up to the house, and Bullwinkle knocks on the door.

Bullwinkle: Trick or Treat!

Rocky stares at him confused.

Bullwinkle: What? We might get some candy.

Narrator: After stepping inside the small shack, the door suddenly slams shut by itself. Then all of the windows start to shatter by themselves one by one!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Bullwinkle: Don't be scared, Rocky. This house is probably just falling apart.

Rocky: Having the windows break like this isn't a coincidence. I can't think of a rational explanation for this.

Bullwinkle: Vandals?

Rocky looks out from one of the now empty frames of the cottage.

Rocky: I don't see anyone out there...

Bullwinkle: That's good.

Rocky: What_?_! How can this scenario possibly be good? We're stranded in a creepy obscure hideaway, and someone or something is out to get us.

Bullwinkle: But vandals are terrifying!

Rocky: How can rude people who like to cause trouble be scarier than unseen potentially supernatural forces?

Bullwinkle: I think we're not on the same wavelength. Vandals were those really mean Viking guys, right?

Narrator: Honestly, either type of "Vandal" isn't likely to be responsible for this mess. Could this creepy little cottage really be haunted? Or is it really the dangerous Ectoplasmium formula? For an explanation of these ghostly happenings, be sure to stay tuned for our next episode, "What's the Shatter with You?" or "The Merry Window".


	26. Mr Peabody, Impressionism

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle, and Mr. Peabody are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

Rocky: Now it's time for an episode of Peabody's Improbable History. Usually we would have a spooky Halloween episode, but since there was a haunted art gallery a few segments ago, Mr. Peabody and Sherman are going to visit an artist.

Bullwinkle: An artist? Hey, Rocky! You're in for a great gallery. Do you wanna see my brilliant abstract paintings? They're really avant-garde if I do say so myself.

Bullwinkle unveils his set of blank canvasses. He proceeds to point out the "features" of each one.

Bullwinkle: Let's see... this one is "A Polar Bear in a Blizzard", and this is "A Man eating a Sandwich in a White Room and leaves". Ooh, and I certainly can't forget "A White Washed Wall of a Chicken Coop"!

Then he gets out even more canvases.

Bullwinkle: In between segments, I used the spare time to invent some more masterpieces! I call them "A Dalmatian without its Spots", "A Marshmallow Ready for a Closeup", and "The Invisible Man's Family Photo". So am I the _artiste_ getting featured today, huh, am I?

Rocky: Um, no. And now here's something we hope you'll really like.

**Impressionism (Peabody's Improbable History)**

Mr. Peabody is in front of the WAYBAC time machine. Surprisingly he does not have his glasses on.

Mr. Peabody: Hello. Peabody here.

Sherman: Where are we going today, Mr. Peabody?

Mr. Peabody: Is that you, Sherman? All I can see is a fuzzy blob. I can't see a thing without my glasses.

Sherman finds Peabody's glasses on a nearby bookshelf.

Sherman: Here they are, Mr. Peabody.

Peabody puts his glasses on.

Mr. Peabody: Thank you. Without my glasses, you looked somewhat like an Impressionist painting.

Sherman: A what?

Mr. Peabody: Oh, dear. Sherman, please set the WAYBAC machine for Giverny, France, in the 1890's.

Sherman: All right, Mr. Peabody! We're going to have a field day.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: Indeed we did. Sherman and I started to explore the Spring nineteenth-century French countryside when we travelled across a field of haystacks.

Mr. Peabody: Claude Monet would really have a _field_ day with this.

Peabody Narrating: Suddenly, we were chased by a terrifyingly irate farmer, who was wielding a pitchfork!

Sherman: Oh, no! He's farmed and dangerous!

Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you.

Irate Farmer: Descendez de ma propriété!

Sherman: Huh?

Mr. Peabody: He said, "Get off of my property".

Peabody Narrating: Sherman hasn't really gotten the hang of the French language. Of course, the writer hasn't ether.

Mr. Peabody: I think we should comply.

Peabody Narrating: Thanks to my quick thinking, I decided that we should escape by taking cover in a nearby corn field.

Mr. Peabody: Quickly, Sherman! Head for the corn field!

Sherman: But I don't want to disappear.

Mr. Peabody: You have been secretly watching too many of my anthology shows after your bedtime, haven't you?

Sherman: Well, kind of...

Peabody Narrating: Surprisingly, we did disappear.

Irate Farmer: Where did le chien et le garçon run off to?

Peabody Narrating: The irate farmer finally decided to leave us alone, since we were "missing persons". Or to be precise, a missing person and a missing dog. Actually, we haven't disappeared at all, as what really happened was that a fellow trespasser onto his "propriété" pulled us into the corn field to help us escape. He had a large beard and was wearing a beret. To my astonishment and excitement, our fellow trespassing friend was one of the most influential and revered Impressionist artists, Claude Monet. The art movement was already established by this point, but he still had very important projects ahead of him.

Mr. Peabody: Claude Monet! What an honour it is to see you.

Claude Monet: It is nice to see you, monsieur...?

Mr. Peabody: Peabody. And this is my boy, Sherman.

Claude Monet: C'est bien. I can see that you two are having the same problem as I am. You see, I'm trying to work on a series of paintings for the Impressionist movement. It involves using many haystacks as references in different seasons and times of the day. I was going to paint some now during this spring. Then later on I was going to try painting some water lilies...

Sherman: Oh, so you're one of the first artists to do Impressionist art or something, right?

Claude Monet: That is correct.

Mr. Peabody: I would recognize your efforts as going against the grain.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: After finding our way out of the maze of maize, I devised a strategic maneuver to get closer to the objects of interest. After all, we couldn't just plow our way through.

Monet: This is preposterous! I only live a few metres away from Monsieur Legume's farm, and I've never trespassed for anything other than painting. If only we could just reason with him...

Mr. Peabody: Indeed. But the local farmer isn't exactly a reasonable man.

Sherman: Yeah. We really got the point of Mister Legume's argument.

Mr. Peabody: Sherman, please.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: You are most likely curious as to what my plan was. Well, I concluded that we could just stow away into one of the multitude of haystacks. Since the groups of grain were well known for being quite large, up to 6 metres to be exact, this sounded easy.

They are able to fit in one haystack, and move closer to the centre of the field when the farmer isn't looking.

Peabody Narrating: Of course something had to happen...

Sherman sneezes from the hay.

Mr. Peabody: *whispers* I hope you don't have hay fever.

Sherman: *whispers* Not really.

Mr. Legume: Mon dieu! What is this? A sneezing haystack?

Sherman: Sorry, Mr. Peabody.

Mr. Peabody: Not to worry, Sherman. Just run for it.

Peabody Narrating: We were corned in one of the corners of the field. The fence was too high for us to jump over it, so it was quite evident that Monsieur Legume was going to kick us out.

Mr. Legume: Aha! I have found you interlopers-

Claude Monet: Excusez moi, Legume, but you are standing in front of my magnifique model.

Mr. Legume: Are you mad_?_! That's one of my haystacks.

Claude Monet: Precisely.

Peabody Narrating: After explaining his intentions, the farmer eventually let him paint on his property.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: After establishing this monumental project-

Sherman: He's painting statues and monuments now? I thought this was about haystacks.

Peabody Narrating: -He painted some more _haystacks_ during the summer.

Sherman runs up to Mr. Peabody and the artist while carrying a bale of hay.

Sherman: I've got some more stuff for your project.

A horse gallops by and eats the bundle of hay.

Sherman: Hey! That isn't very nice...

Horse: *neighs*

* * *

Peabody Narrating: Then Claude Monet painted said haystacks during the autumn season.

Sherman: Hey, Mr. Peabody! Look at those guys.

He points out the silhouettes of a small group of thin people with round orange heads. They appear to be waving.

Mr. Peabody: I see that you have just been acquainted with the pumpkin people.

Sherman: Huh?

Mr. Peabody: They're scarecrows.

Sherman: Oh. Now I get it.

Mr. Peabody looks for some pumpkins in the farmyard, and beings to assemble them into something.

Sherman: What are you working on, Mister Peabody?

Mr. Peabody: You'll just have to wait and see, Sherman.

Peabody Narrating: After a while of organizing the orange objects, I presented the finished work.

Mr. Peabody: ...And voila! My autumn piece is complete.

Sherman: Hey, those two pumpkin people look like us!

Mr. Peabody: Precisely. Well, technically a pumpkin person and a pumpkin dog, but yes. Good boy, Sherman.

Sherman: Mister Peabody, there's a guy who's talking to the pumpkins!

Mr. Peabody: Don't be ridiculous. No one is foolish enough to do that.

They see Captain Peachfuzz talking to the orange replicas of themselves.

Captain Peachfuzz: Hi there, Mr. Peabody and Sherman! Can you two help me find my boat?

Mr. Peabody: I stand corrected.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: The haystack artwork pieces were concluded for the winter season.

Sherman points at a large white mound of snow.

Sherman: Uh, Monsoon Monet, why don't you try painting this one over here?

Monet: Thank you, Sherman, but that is not a haystack.

Sherman: Really?

Monet: Non. Trust me; after all of this I should know what a haystack looks like by now. Right, Mr. Peabody?

Mr. Peabody: Indeed. Sherman, that's a snowdrift.

Sherman: How do you know for sure?

The snow falls on him.

Mr. Peabody: That's how.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: After painting a reasonably large series of haystacks, Monet wanted to try painting a very large series of water lilies. To do this, we travelled to a nearby marsh.

Peabody trips and falls in the swamp water. He gets up and uses a handkerchief to clean his muddy glasses.

Sherman: You look like a mudpuppy!

Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you.

Peabody Narrating: Since the WAYBAC machine is capable of a great deal when travelling throughout time spans, we helped the artist find the water lilies in a nearby flower garden even though he painted them years later than the haystacks. The water lilies set proved to be so inspirational that they are now displayed on the walls of an art museum.

After helping the Impressionist artist, Mr. Peabody and Sherman go back to the present day. Mr. Peabody is now attempting to paint an Impressionist landscape of the WAYBAC machine.

Peabody Narrating: In conclusion, Sherman and I have found out about Monet's most boggling secrets, such as how he managed to paint all of those haystacks and water lilies.

Sherman: Gosh, Mr. Peabody, that sure was a fun artistic adventure!

Mr. Peabody: Indeed it was, Sherman. I'd say our time travelling journey has made a good impression.

* * *

**The End**

Rocky: And now the proceeding segment will be-

Boris interrupts and walks in front of Rocky.

Boris: Shut up, Squirrel! What did I meess? While I was getting out of my Halloween costume, all I heard was Moose being stupid and blabbering about his blank canvasses.

Mr. Peabody: Sorry, but you just missed it. Sherman and I visited Claude Monet. Maybe sometime we will also cover Edvard Munch, Salvador Dali, Rene Magritte, or perhaps Vincent Van Gogh-

Boris: I have absolutely no idea who the other guys are, but I'm part of a Vincent Van Gogh appreciation group.

Rocky: Really?

Boris: That's right. I collect a bunch of ears.

Mr. Peabody: That isn't exactly what he did for a living.

Boris: Yeah, sure. I'm off to contribute to the group now.

Boris goes off somewhere for group related "contributions". Rocky and Mr. Peabody stare at him awkwardly as he leaves.

Mr. Peabody: I don't want to know how he gets them...

Rocky: ...And now the next episode will be "What's the Shatter with You?" or "The Merry Window". **  
**


	27. Wooden Prince

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle, and Fractured Fairy Tales are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

Rocky: And now here's something we hope you'll really like.

**The Wooden Prince (Fractured Fairy Tales)**

Fractured Fairy Tales Narrator: Once upon a time, there was an enchanted forest. It was full of fantastic flora such as dancing trees. There were also a lovely princess, Princess Rose Thorn, and a prince, known as Prince Timothy Burr, who wanted to marry her. However, the forest was stuck in between their respective kingdoms. It also had quite a reputation, in that if you didn't follow the specified forest path, you would be lost in there forever and turn into a sentient tree. But the clever prince had a solution to this.

Prince Timothy Burr: Deforestation?

Narrator: No, of course not! As I was saying, the not so clever prince had to find a way to get to the princess's castle. He decided to think about it while going for a walk... in the woods. Well, at least he followed the path. At least I hope so-

Tim: Huh? What path?

Narrator: Oh, dear...

Tim: I don't see any deer, either. You must be thinking of a different story.

* * *

Narrator: As I was saying, the reason why people who get lost here are turned into trees is because of an evil forest fairy. She really didn't like intruders. By the way, Ms. Forest Fairy, can I ask you something?

Forest Fairy: Sure, what is it?

Narrator: If intruders really bother you that much, wouldn't it make more sense to get them to leave?

Forest Fairy: How about I turn you into a tree?

Narrator: I'd rather not, thank you. Honestly, I don't think my performances are wooden enough for the part.

Forest Fairy: You'd better watch it, pal.

Narrator: Sorry about that, but the pun was so obvious...

* * *

Narrator: Because of the forest fairy's magic spell, Tim couldn't seem to find his way around here. He was aimlessly wandering through the woods when suddenly-

Tim: Oof!

Narrator: He walked into a tree. Genius, I know.

Tim: I'm gonna cut this tree down! Timber!

Talking Tree: Oh no you won't!

Tim: Wha? I must be hallucinating or something.

Red Wood: You're not. My name is Red Wood, and I demand an apology,

Tim: Uh, sorry...?

Red Wood: All right. I suppose I'll let you go.

Tim: Really? Thanks!

Red Wood: But first you'll have to visit my family trees.

Tim: You mean family tree, right?

Red Wood: Nope. _Trees_.

Narrator: Then the prince was surrounded by droves of dryads! With each name sillier than the last!

Peter Pine: When people get lost in this place, a forest fairy turns 'em into trees.

Weeping Willa: And you're next in line.

Tim: You'll never take me alive!

Narrator: And so our brave hero of this story responded by running away further into the woods.

Peter Pine: ...What was that all about?

Red Wood: I don't know. I just thought we could show him our new dance routine.

Narrator: What's it called?

Weeping Willa: The Willow Waltz. What else?

Narrator: Of course.

* * *

Narrator: Eventually, after much trial and error of bumping into things, Prince Timothy Burr finally made it to the other side of the enchanted forest. Or did he?

Princess Rose Thorn: He'd better be here by now, or else I'm going to be really mad. We had a date planed, don't you know.

Narrator: Then the prince showed up at her castle's front door.

Rose: Well, it's about time! Where were you anyway?

No response.

Narrator: Wait a minute, something seems rather off about this fellow. It looks like he's made of wood.

Rose: You're just exaggerating. Tim's acting isn't _that_ bad.

Narrator: No, I mean it. I think the Forest Fairy kidnapped him, and replaced him with a wooden puppet.

Rose: And I think you've watched "Invasion of the Botany Snatchers" too many times.

Narrator: I did not! Besides, I thought it was a good movie, and-

Rose: I rest my case. Now if you excuse me, I'm going out with my boyfriend.

Narrator: And then she did. Surprisingly, they really hit it off on the first date. She took him out to a restaurant, and was delighted that he didn't eat and therefore make her pay for the expensive food.

Rose: You know, Tim, at first I thought you were stupid enough to be one of Captain Peachfuzz's relatives. But then I realized that you're smart, polite, and a really good listener.

Narrator: Of course he's a "really good listener". He's a puppet.

Rose: I don't care what you think. I'm going to marry him.

Narrator: Oh, dear... and then she... I can't believe this... she actually married the inanimate object. Tim isn't going to like this one bit.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, back in the forest, my hunches were proved to be correct. The Forest Fairy has kidnapped Tim, and is looking through her spell book to turn him into a tree.

Tim: Uh, Mr. Narrator, can you help me out of this mess?

Narrator: Unfortunately, no. But the Rackham trees can.

Tim: I doubt it. They were trying to kill me a while back.

Narrator: Actually, they wanted to show you their new dance routine. And there they are now.

Forest Fairy: What do you guys want? I'm already done with making your several hundred year old lives miserable.

Peter Pine: We wanted to show off our new dance routine. We're hoping that it gets in a ballet or something.

Willow Waltz: It's called the Willow Waltz! I made up the name.

Forest Fairy: Why am I not surprised?

Red Wood: Come on, it'll be fun!

Narrator: And so the dancing dryads distracted the fairy for the time being. This gave our hero ample time to escape.

Red Wood: Do you like it so far?

Forest Fairy: I don't know; it looks kind of wooden.

* * *

Narrator: Tim escaped and made it to Princess Rose's kingdom.

Tim: Hi, Rose! I'm sorry if I was late. So are we going on a date or what?

Rose opens the castle door, and has her "husband" next to her.

Rose: Sorry, Tim, but I'm married to Tim.

She slams the door in his face. Then she reopens it a few seconds later.

Rose: Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense.

Tim: Rose, why are you holding a puppet?

Rose: What puppet?

Tim: The one right next to you. He looks just like me. Whoever made it did a really a good job.

She stares at the wooden doll, looks embarrassed, and drops it.

Rose: How could I be so stupid? I've wasted my marriage license!

Narrator: To fix the problem, they decided to do away with the dummy doppelganger. However, the puppet was invincible because the fairy infused it with her magic. So even after using an axe and a wood chipper, they were back where they started.

Tim: I'll try the axe method again.

He proceeds to sharpen his axe.

Tim: All work and no play makes Tim a dull boy.

Rose: Forget it. And I don't want to get arrested.

Tim: But we're rich! The most we'd get is house arrest.

Rose: We'll have to try something else.

Narrator: Instead of try to kill the puppet perpetrator, they gave it away to a wood carver named Geppetto. I think you know what this lead to.

Pinocchio: I wanna be a real boy!

Narrator: But that's a different story, and we've just ran out of time.

Pinocchio: Aw...

Narrator: In conclusion, the prince and princess got married and lived happily ever after.

* * *

**The End**

Rocky is on a stage.

Rocky: The next segment will be-

Bullwinkle: Hi, Rocky! I have a poem ready for my Bullwinkle's Corner segment.

Rocky: But that isn't scheduled right now. And you've already done a Mister Know it All lesson a while back...

Bullwinkle: Ahem, "I think that I shall never see, A poem lovely as a tree."

Boris shows up holding an axe.

Boris: And then it got cut down and died. The end.

Bullwinkle: The tree?

Boris: No, the moose!

He chases Bullwinkle off the stage with it.

Bullwinkle: You're not good at improvising, are you?

Rocky: I'd better go help Bullwinkle. In the meantime, the next segment will be, "What's the Shatter with You?" or "The Merry Window".


	28. Merry Window

******Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**What's the Shatter with You? or The Merry Window**

Narrator: Our heroes seem to have stumbled upon a witch's hut.

Rocky: And it's haunted!

Bullwinkle: Mr. Narrator, you mentioned the witch's pad and stuff, but what about the evil ghost Vikings?

Narrator: _Vikings_?

Rocky: Vandals.

Narrator: Oh. In the previous segment, a bunch of rocks were thrown to smash up the cottage windows by an unseen force. How will they get out of this mishap if they can't even see what's behind it?

Bullwinkle: Ooh, I know!

Narrator: You do?

Bullwinkle: Yup. All we have to do is get a Viking ship.

Narrator: You don't catch on to things very well, do you?

Bullwinkle: Catch on to what now?

Rocky: I've got a plan. But first we'll have to get some Mooseberries.

Bullwinkle: Rocky, even _I_ know this isn't the right time for supper.

Rocky: That's not exactly what I have in mind.

Narrator: After foraging for Mooseberries in the forest, Rocky puts his plan into action.

Rocky: All right, now we spread them out into a circle.

Bullwinkle: Huh? Why?

Narrator: After making a circle of mooseberries, they stand in its centre.

Bullwinkle: Oh, I get it. This is like keeping monsters away or something like in the movies, right?

Rocky: Right. I noticed that really early on, when one of the monster trees tried to kill you, it stopped when Mooseberries were thrown at it. So as long as we stay in this circle, we'll be fine.

Bullwinkle: *munch munch* Uh, yeah, whatever you say, pal.

Rocky: ...Bullwinkle? Are you listening to me?

Bullwinkle: These Mooseberries are really good.

Rocky: You didn't...

Narrator: Oh, yes he did. The circle of Mooseberries plan isn't going to work.

Bullwinkle: I love Mooseberries. Do you want some, too?

Rocky: No thanks. I'll have to think of some other way to get out of this mess.

* * *

Narrator: Our heroes are being pursued by a trio of night owls, who are trying to catch up to them.

Fearless Leader: We would have got them by now if Badenov didn't screw up. Again.

Narrator: Bullwinkle did a Wossamotta U touchdown on Boris, which got him stuck in the ground.

Boris: At least he didn't pull the football away from me. Unlike _some_ people...

He glares at Natasha.

Natasha: What? It's a classic bit.

* * *

Narrator: Since the circle of Mooseberries plan didn't go as expected, they're going to find the source of the poltergeist activity, and then bravely run out of there as fast as they possibly can.

Rocky: We'll have to search this place for clues.

Bullwinkle: I know! Let's look under the floorboards.

Rocky: Are you sure about that? For all we know, there might be a heart under the floorboards.

Bullwinkle: Don't be ridiculous, Rocky. Where did you get an idea like that?

Rocky: ...Wow, you barely learned anything at Wossamotta U.

Bullwinkle: And I'm proud of it!

Narrator: After eventually finding the hidden Ectoplasmium, which wasn't underneath the floorboards, but behind the curtains of the broken windows, they take it and skedaddle. Then a not phony phantasm comes out of his hiding place, which was in a cupboard.

Ghost: Oh, thank goodness! The scary vandals have left my house.

Narrator: With even more of the secret formula in their possession, our heroes have more than enough proof to reveal the no-goodniks' plot to the public. But will they get out of Pottsylvania in one piece? Be sure to stay tuned for "Wanted Undead or Alive" or "The Hexorcist".


End file.
